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Strained Relationship with Parents

User Profile: redTree7626
redTree7626 14 hours ago

For the past several years my mother and I have had a strained relationship, and I would love to fix it, but I don't know how. When I was younger I used to be very close to my mother, and we would talk for hours at a time about my life. However, I have always felt uncomfortable with how involved she is in my life. She used to invite people over from school without my permission who I was in a fight with so that we could work it out. In middle school she invited half of my class over for a pool party without my permission, which incited many awkward conversations between me and classmates who wanted to know why they hadn't been invited to the party. In seventh grade, she became one of my class parents and became involved in resolving many of the big class conflicts. I used to have constant anxiety at home which affected my sleep, so in high school I went to boarding school and I only had that persistent anxiety when I went home on the weekends. I believe the thing that ultimately led to our strained relationship was (and is) my habit of suppressing emotions. I have a lot of pent up sadness around my relationship with my mom, which manifests itself into anger and frustration. I never confronted my mom about the sadness I feel around some of her actions, because it is incredibly uncomfortable for me to give up control of my emotions and show vulnerability. It has become so extreme that even sharing small details about my day to my mom makes me extremely uncomfortable. I know my mom wants a closer relationship, and feels disappointed that I push her away, but until I find a way to work through my sadness I don't think I can offer her a closer relationship. If anyone has suggestions for how to release my sadness or about my situation I would be incredibly grateful. I currently am talking to a therapist, and have been for the past year. I am sure my mom would be happy and open to talk with me about how I am feeling, and I would love to be able to as well, but I am currently not comfortable doing so. I run everyday and have tried meditating and just crying, but I think I need to be doing something else as well, because none of those things feel like they are making a difference. Please, if anything else has worked for anybody please them me know.