My ex’s past crush?
Hello!
My ex broke up with me 2 months ago.
He had a crush on my best friend before we got together, but stopped liking her because she already had a boyfriend at the time. My best friend never had feelings for him and probably never will because she has a new boyfriend now and my ex doesn’t seem like her type.
Anyways, ever since the break up I feel like I’ve been constantly comparing myself to my best friend, and rather jealous of her personality in a way.
And whenever I see or imagine both my best friend and ex in the same area, it makes me feel really anxious, even if they’re not interacting or talking to each other at all. Just the idea/seeing them in the same place makes me feel anxious, and I don’t really understand this. For example, my best friend told me that my ex and his friend came by to where she works. He didn’t order anything, he was just mildly teasing her with his friend for a few minutes and left the store. This made me feel frustrated, sad, upset, jealous?, and anxious. I don’t want my ex’s life or feelings to concern me anymore. And I want to move on from him. But feelings like these are concerning atm. I’m not sure if it’s normal, or if I have to dig a little deeper to move on from him.
@willinggrapes
I am sorry to hear that you are feeling frustrated, sad, upset, jealous, & anxious about your ex-boyfriend & best friend however I feel like it is normal to feel all of these things to an extent.
Could you be experiencing these feelings more because you yourself could still have feelings for him?
Honestly, I do still have feelings for him. But I’m not sure how to get rid of these feelings.
@willinggrapes
Thanks for the update, I think time will serve you very well.
I am really sorry about that
@willinggrapes
She is your best friend for a reason. There must be things that you admire in her, qualities that recommend her to you in your friendship with her. Qualities that make her shine to you and to others. When people have such qualities within themselves, like charisma, positive energy, confidence, good humour and generosity of character - they light up whatever room they are in and others will always be drawn towards them because they make us feel good about ourselves!
If we become envious of them, or become anxious and threatened by them, our negative thoughts will only cast a shadow over ourselves! We do not become more by wishing others were less. Of course I am not saying that you wish ill of your friend. What I am saying is that you should focus inwardly on yourself, to emulate all the admirable qualities you see in her. Rather than envy her, learn from her and appreciate the good in her.
If you are not secure within yourself, you will always feel threatened by others, you will always have a nagging doubt (in the next relationship, with the next partner~) ‘What if they fall for someone else? What if they meet my best friend and end up liking her better?!’
The problem is not that your ex liked your best friend. The problem is that you don’t like yourself enough! Maybe the problem is that you rely on what other people choose and do and allow that to influence and impact your happiness. Instead of focussing on what you will choose, how you will choose to be, and what your own goals and values are, you look outwardly instead at what your ex is doing, who he is choosing, or at your best friend and how she is as a person and the attention that she gets, who she is dating. I notice you went to great lengths to explain why your ex never dated your best friend despite his attraction to her; but you didn’t explain at all why you and your ex broke up to begin with …
Focus inwardly on the things that matter!
CatsInTheCradle
Hello!
Thank you for this, I do admit that my self esteem isn’t the best. But I’m willing to work on it!
I didn’t mention why he broke up with me because I thought I didn’t need to mention it since I was just asking a question regarding my friend and ex. Anyways, he broke up with me because he became unmotivated to continue the relationship.