Is it possible & would it last?
I really really love a girl.. but i can't seem to trust her but it's not like i trust anyone else either.. neither that i never tried.. i did try & trusted her with a lot of my life's stuff for the first few mnths she did too.. but fast forward to 2 years only one of us seems to have maintained the integrity.. she feels guilty probably.. but still.. when i trusted her with few things i told myself it was the last person i would do a experiment on to decide whether or not ppl should be trusted.. she has failed.. but the love hasn't changed.. but i have respected the terms and conditions i promised myself.. and have made it a self care rule to Never trust anyone again with my secrets and insecurities that really matter to me.
But put all that aside, i haven't grown out of her love.. I still love her.. with each passing day the love is stronger than it was yesterday.. we were 15 back then when she leaked out my secrets.. we are 18 now.. she has matured enough i see.. and idk but if there's one person i would love it's her noone else.. But would such a relationship if it went into a marriage last.. whereby she would have my company knowing i m trustworthy.. but i will always be quite a bit alone when needing her to share my problems with.. i m in a situation where i keep falling for her more n more but there's nothing like trust in my dictionary anymore..nor do i even make trust a prerequisite for any relationship now..
Let me know your opinions.. especially i would love it from anyone who's married.. can you live a lifetime with someone you love and still have your personal space for your insecurities and secrets, & always maintain boundaries (only in this stuff )& no other..
Thank you.
@oneamongstyou285 Truth be told there are always going to be secrets in any relationship. Some large and malevolent (like cheating), some small and virtually harmless (like when I told my husband traffic held me up yesterday when I was getting us coffee). Secrets and having pieces of yourself for you and you alone are all normal and to be expected. We all need our privacy and space from partners, even those who we want to spend the rest of our life with.
The problem with a lack of trust is that trust is the lifeblood and foundation of an intimate, healthy, loving, & equitable relationship. It is possible to have A relationship without trust, but not a healthy, intimate relationship, which is usually the only kind that lasts. Speaking as someone with serious trust issues, it gets exhausting for both parties and will drive a wedge between you until a wedge becomes a crack, becomes a rift, becomes the Marianas Trench between you and its no longer even a semblance of functional.
So, while its possible it isn't what I'd personally call kind or fair for any party involved.
Thank you for sharing your opinion.. I will definitely think over it and try to do all..that i still can.. ❤️🤝🏻
@oneamongstyou285 I wish you the best of luck! You got this! I know it feels impossible now, but trusting again IS possible and it's gonna be amazing when you get there. It will be challenging and continuing to trust others certainly won't be what I'd consider easy, but it IS possible, and it is more than worth it for the payoff. You hurt no one but yourself when you can't open yourself up to the possibility other than betrayal and deceit, like how you never hit a shot you don't take.
If therapy is an option for you I would HIGHLY recommend it. My therapist was a life saver in helping me learn how to trust again.
Thanks for you suggestion.. but no.. therapy is not an option.. coz i m young (18.5) & mental health counseling is still a stigma in my place.. + it would unnecessarily trouble my parents (without even producing enough results) bcz as much as i know myself It's only me who will be able to change my mind..
as for online therapy.. there are kind people like you who share their experiences for free.. so it will be useful..
I might try opening up truly & honestly.. I think it will be possible.. but definitely not with the same people with the exception of my crush (coz she literally didn't know me like that .. unlike others who knew me very well so she deserves that 2nd chance + she was younger too..)
At this point of life i contradict my ownself when at one hand i don't want new friends coz of the past experiences while at the other i can't seem to stay at peace with old ones.. in this way, i have prepared a recipe to live a life of solitude.. which at the moment seems wiser.. but just like you and many others have said this path doesn't lead to the desired results.. so i am open to the idea for changing the plans.. minutely or radically.. but yes i am gonna do that..
Thank you for showing your concern.. but tbh i m more of confused with how i m gonna spend the rest of my life the best way.. than i m suffering from any mental trauma.. so don't be too worried abt me..❤️
you are very young and believe me your views on many things will change........
yes if you have items you never want out there i doubt there are any people to share with as even the best person some secrets will slip ........
do not close yourself off of new friends because you really do not know the person whom can make a huge difference in your growth could just be out there....
If you have feeling for GF a slip of confidence while teenagers seems trivial ........ with that said anyone later in life for many reasons could fail your trust tests........ so do not be surprised
I live like I am a 5 but feel like i m burdened with troubles of a 25.. i hope i meet people who end up providing the right environment for my views on People in general to change..
It's not like i have closed myself.. but frndships are only abt meet & greet for me.. NOT that kind of deep friendships i longed for.. probably i myt change.. as you say.. or maybe not as i feel..
It's like i expect everyone to fail the test anyway.. I m surprised only when someone passes it.. like ngl but my crush passed it but only for a few months later on she spilled the beans when she took a break from me.. so somehow those who pass it too fail later on.. and i can't seem to digest the fact how can it be so hard for people to keep someone's secrets which they share with them a secret.. like it's obvious right? but no.. The way especially how my friends have changed since Covid & Lockdowns.. can't help but accept that the level of trust & comfort which i provide ppl when they share something to me noone else can to me.. rather i saw that when some of em betrayed me they began to test me instead thinking i wouldn't know.. probably to feel a bit better of the miserable things they did?
I expect the very worst from ppl so i m no more disappointed.. but yes when some ppl do well i am surprised.. & quite happy but couldn't be so for long recently.. but i hope the new ppl i myt find myt be better at it.. even if they aren't i won't be bothered much cause i have discovered a way of living my best life in solitude.. initially it was an obligation but now it's more of a choice i'd love to make every now and then... but i know maybe i need to change.. as mentioned by Maryska above.. i need to retry .. i hope that i'll and do it really well..
I really appreciate your support by the way.. Thank you❤️
& tbh i have already forgiven her for her deeds coz i know with utmost confidence if she knew for who i really were she would have never done what she did.. but rest of the people who knew me for years.. it's hard to forgive them.. her actions could still be ignored.. but the rest of them i doubt..
@oneamongstyou285. maybe just see how things go I just got a guy's number but we are just friends I don't think we will end up together due to I met him at work.
