Intro
Hey everyone,
I'm Aayush. And, people call me Kansal, because that's my surname and because there've usually been more than 1 Aayush in class. Well, chuck that.
I am realising I may some issues with myself but I am kinda stuck about voicing these concerns.
I like to watch news and feel sad about the world. So, after that I try to watch anime.
I enrolled in a master's engineering degree which I'm failing on legendary level right now and feeling a lot of guilt for spending a lot of money which is not mine.
I kinda feel very aloof because I think I have no patience for small talk. I feel like I kinda have enough self help for a decade, and done enough meditation, maybe not, and enough astrology research for a whole lifetime (definitely). Now, I'm like oh, you are Mars in cancer, you are a perfect example of domestic violence. Tell me about it. Been a listener here 5 years ago. Coming back here feels like a regression, but, currently, at this very moment, it feels like I'm doing something about my situation. So, whatever.
Feels like the intro is getting is a lot bigger, so imma stop here.
Anyone wanting to discuss their astrology, the natal horoscope, or the transit horoscope even, can do so. I'd be very happy to discuss that.
Anyone can suggest me anything. Any sort of advice would be appreciated about absolutely everything. Try suggesting me anime or counsellors, or diet choices(I have a high metabolism naturally, since forever)
Happy New Moon in Aries. 🔆
Maktub!
@Fluxelixir
Hi there! Thank you so much for posting here. It is good to know you. :) And thank you for being a listener here in the past. It isn't easy work and I am proud of you for doing it. 🌸
Yeah, I can understand that news can be upsetting most of the time. So much information and nothing we can do about it directly. Anime is a good choice to watch after that. At least we can enjoy it knowing it is just a fictional story.
Coming to the current reality, going for a master's degree in engineering is a feat in itself. To be able to understand all those calculations and math is a skill on its own. I can see you are currently struggling with it though. Can you tell me more about it? Which areas are you facing problems in?
Astrology seems like an intriguing subject. You must have spent a lot of time trying to understand it. It isn't easy for sure.
Well, take care and I hope the situation gets better for you, whichever areas you are struggling in.
Hey, thanks for the reply.
It's a long story. This academic year has been really difficult for me for all sorts of reasons. I shifted to a different continent, a different country. All of my senses are facing sensory inflation, and being a highly sensitive person, hsp, or something else too, couldnot face the challenges and lost to all of my worst defense mechanisms, I feel.
Recently, I realised that I have not forgotten the abuse that happened to me 5 years ago, due to failures in academic, relationship, health and family matters. I am re-living victim and denial patterns, to the extent that I'm fearing to submit assignments of much liked subjects. It's a tragedy.
(i don't talk to anybody, and don't go out at all. Sleep during days, and come out at midnight. It's been like a new lock down pattern for me. And, what to say of substance abuse and weight loss). So, yeah, it's pretty much everything.
I think, I don't have any contact with anybody at all. I know nobody from my previous two and a half decades on this planet. Plus, nobody knows this, but I lost my phone in initial weeks here. So, much of my poems, stories, along with astrological findings and contacts were lost(not that I was involved with someone else, or talking to someone like on a regular basis, or any friends or whatever)
Value systems have been real messed up. I've a hard time valuing what I have, what I am and assessing possibilities of what I can do, or can be. So much so that, I am visiting online livestreams and spurting out astrological themed and transitional trends randomly to girls online, half the world away, or like getting involved with people I was previously together with.
It's been a sad state, and shocking that I can still do that.
Feels like a big denial, a big traumatic experience, a big failure right now. A big shock that brought everything back that happened in last 2 and a half decades.
Cannot say it all, because whatever I'll say will be extremely unbelievable most probably. (sigh, I can write......)
@Fluxelixir
Thank you for replying. 🌸
Moving to a new place certainly brings along a lot of changes. Different cultures, settings, and languages must be a lot to take in. It seems your struggle doesn't end with just moving in but also continuing to academics. You mentioned the abuse you went through 5 years ago and now you feel stuck in the same pattern as before. Did something trigger this event? Often when we feel like things are repeating, it is triggered by similar events happening again.
Wow, you lost your phone in a new place? How did you manage after that? Not just data but all the contacts too. At least in case of emergency, we do need a phone. I wonder how you managed that.
I can see you are reflecting on your value systems and it can be a good thing if it helps you. How is it going for you? You mentioned that you talk about it on live streams. Is there a particular reason for it?
I know this is a tough time for you. If you want to talk about it with a listener, please do. Words are all I have, but sharing how we feel can sometimes help reduce the burden of carrying all these things inside.
Sigh.
I got lost in myself again. Forgot to reply, I guess.
Thanks for reflecting on that. That's appreciated, and for me I know it's very valuable. I feel like I cannot work unless I have some sort of soundboard. Huh.
I think, the very shock that I landed in a different country, in a not-so-very-good mood/state might have caused me to revert back to some of my then, and still, recent deeper traits.
Certain events while abusing substances, one of which was losing phone, blood and a shoe, was certainly one of those perpetuating secondary triggers.
Instead of creating a support system, I was highly active, still am maybe, in demolishing the existing working ones, if any.
Denials, feeling of failures, absenteeism, social anxiety feeling victimised might be the underlying themes, pertaining to these events.
Well, I just bought a new one. I kinda regret losing all the stuff that I had written in a journaling app in that. Otherwise, I was not making any calls with so. So it was more like a journal-Ipod-with-youtube for me.
Value systems is a big one. When one has not been essentially taught what's valuable in a right way, to the level of self esteem and individuality, which is and should be the first one anyway, one does all sorts of weird stuff which one finds valuable. So, I've been trying to tweak. I know by logic. But, all I see in info, the facts behind it, the mechanisms. There's no feeling to commit to these behaviour. It's like quicksand feeling or something like that. Idk.
Yeah. Thanks for your suggestion.
I hope you are having a inspiring new beginning. 🔆
@Fluxelixir
I can understand how having unpleasant experiences in the beginning when you arrived in a new country would trigger feelings of being stuck and socially anxious. It makes a lot more sense when we see that you lost some of your valuables and some of the notes on your phone that you treasured. Sometimes, one event in our life starts this domino effect which sets other related events to trigger. But I can see you have a clear insight into what happened and how it made you feel.
"Denials, feeling of failures, absenteeism, social anxiety feeling victimised might be the underlying themes, pertaining to these events."
What do you think would happen if your problems were to suddenly disappear overnight? What would your life look like? Would you be doing something different?
Looking forward to your answer. 😊
Thanks for maintaining the thread. Hope you are doing it on your end.
I've not thought about how it'll look like, when or if all of my problems disappear. I think, I'll be doing things differently, but I'm always actively looking for conflict I think, which allows for tremendous growth but low satisfaction much of the time.
I'll try to visualise this though.
The remedy I have found with this one is to help people, so that atleast someome can get some satisfaction, with some aid. So yeah.
Arigato. 🔆
Ok, give me my astronomical chart info please
I am A Taurus married to a Cancer
and I hope you find what you need in your life to find balance
🤗
Is there anyway you can text me your birth details, which would be the time, date and place of birth?!
I can't tell about how two charts interact with each other, because one life, one human consciousness, one chart is more than enough information for my brain right now.
But, I think, I can do 2 charts separately. In any case, I'd need the birth details to generate a picture of the natal/natural birth sky.
Hope you are having happy lunches and healthy dinners. 🔆
P. S. : you are having a North node transit on your natal sun, which should feel intense right now.
