I do not what to do i am stuck
So in 2023 i met a girl and she was in a relationship with a guy since mid of 2023, Till we reached 2024 i was friendly with her and i was the first person in her entire life to whom she told about herself, her hobbies and about him being toxic and much more. Once she was fearing talking to me as he found out my messages so all that took place and then they broke up because he was too toxic and even didn't put efforts. I was in love with her at this point and she was very similar to me in every aspect. So after her breakup i didn't feel the appropriate time for pushing her towards another relationship with me. I gave her space and i provided an atmosphere for her to heal after a few months she was getting back to normal , she even discontinued her therapy because she was not feeling the need for it and it was the first time she was feeling better in herself and her face started to glow and she showed signs of love for me. Then he entered her life again in order to manipulate into giving him a second chance. He showed his deteriorating physical health as a weapon to manipulate and compell her. She hadn't received any kind of love since her childhood so seeing this and even improvements as she termed them , She decided to get back to him again and even her feelings for him rebounded.
Now, She thinks she can work it out with him and tells me about his improvements. Also he has a toxic friend circle and toxic in himself too even now but she terms it as just a weakness. Even in deteriorated physical health he went to meet her and begged that give me a second chance and make things fine. She said he met her and then went to hospital the next day evening i see a story of him and his group in a fair where there is lot of walking involved. Also he manipulated her by conviction that she mustn't cheat and even being with another guy is cheating. Also 10 days before she gave a second chance, He asked for her dis cord pass in order to delete their chats and to check if she is talking to another guy . 10 days later she calls this just an insecurity, now she calls his toxicity just a small weakness, I have tried every way of making her realize but it didn't work and i believe she will realize it by her own and i do not know what to do
@Dawnlit02
Hello. In such circumstances I usually try to keep to some basic rules, which make me happier or safer (or at least more aware of what is happening):
First, I think it is never to good to be a part of a triangle relationship. Usually at least one person is hurt at the end.
Also I believe you are caught in "abuse triangle", so-called drama triangle, with the persecutor (the other guy), the victim (the girl) and the rescuer (you). This works like a vicious circle, with each person trying to change or control another, but having no other possibility than to fail with that.
I believe a girl or a woman can need you as a partner (what seems not to be the case here), as a colleague or friend (which can be OK as long as all the boundaries are carefully respected), or as a "shoulder to cry on".
In the last of the scenarios she may keep telling you how unhappy she is, but at the same time keep going back straight into the lion's mouth. Then you are not treated as a partner, but used.
To me the girl leaving her therapy prematurely would be a red flag. I wouldn't believe she suddenly felt so strong to heal by herself. More probably she decided to fix a toxic person and repair an irreparable relationship - what should be certainly not recommend by a therapist.
Being in your shoes, I would surely consider staying away...
@jacek73
Sorry i didn't mention and reposted
In her therapy she reached a state where she was feeling better within herself and was being in a state to work and have a good focus and that was very gradual i spent a lot time in it, though i too think it was the wrong decision as she remained emotionally immature thus returning to him i wanted to work on emotional intelligence too but he just came rushing , At this moment there are a lot of things which justify my and her relation as something that can be worked together and has every quality needed for it for example a very deep understanding of each others perspectives and much more but due to his manipulation and her receiving only chaotic love or no love all then the real love feels superficial and i believe since she is emotionally weak and thus turned towards him. I hope she realizes soon because i see a lot potential in this bond and majority of the events prove that too. So i am just silent till she realizes about it as if i argue on some negative quality of her she seems to defend it and that seems to be a hurting factor because we never even had a small fight because of a good understanding. So i am just being silent and an observer at the moment from a bit of distance
In her therapy she reached a state where she was feeling better within herself and was being in a state to work and have a good focus, though i too think it was the wrong decision as she remained emotionally immature thus returning to him , At this moment there are a lot of things which justify my and her relation as something that can be worked together and has every quality needed for it for example a very deep understanding of each others perspectives and much more but due to his manipulation and her receiving only chaotic love or no love all then the real love feels superficial and i believe since she is emotionally weak and thus turned towards him. I hope she realizes soon because i see a lot potential in this bond and majority of the events prove that too. So i am just silent till she realizes about it as if i argue on some negative quality of her she seems to defend it and that seems to be a hurting factor because we never even had a small fight because of a good understanding. So i am just being silent and an observer at the moment from a bit distance
