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Doesnt Trust Me…Still
liquidfuse October 5th, 2021
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So my wife still says she doesnt trust me even though my trust was broken over chatting and porn. I now realize this was all because of my bisexuality from really since my 20s but i was closeted for so long. My wife always knew i was into crossdressing, initially i fetishized it but really i think a male should be able to feel sexy in lingerie if he wants to and i do. Before it was more out of humiliation. I am telling you all this to give some framing to our relationship and so you understand what i am going through and what i should do.


Ever since we started dating I was upfront about my experiences however few they were, i admitted to her that i had with both sexes this is back on our first date in 2012. Fast forward to years together, we marry in 2017, and go through so many ups and downs in our relationship. I hurt her emotionally but i never hooked up with anyone because i didnt want to dishonor her that way. She is already hurt so much by the porn and chatting with other people that anytime im on my phone and tapping she questions me. It gets old but i asked her if she doesnt trust me then why stay married to me. Shes goes to say its not like she has any options. I get upset and say and i do.


long-term i don’t how much longer this will last but has anyone seen a shift or change once coming out to their spouse? Its only been 3 months since i told her i am bi and queer. So i am trying to give her time to process and understand and if she doesnt then maybe its time to move on?!??

2
dukeofdearham October 6th, 2021
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@liquidfuse,

understanding is mutual. You both have to put effort in trying to understand each other. Do you have any idea how painful all of this likely is for your wife? Ever tried to step in her shoes?

Again, it goes both ways. Maybe, if your wife is open to it, you can tell her (assuming that you do) that you truly love her, that you understand she got hurt, and that you want to try to works things out. You'd need professional help, like a marriage counselor.

Marriage counselors do not try to fix your marriage. They try to improve communication, which requires commitment from both partners and a sincere believe that the relationship is still worth fighting for.

So, again, sit down with her, at a place she feels comfortable at, a place where there's no other people. Be sincere, be honest, tell her you understand and you want to work on yourself and want to try to sort things out, together, in mutual understanding.


vlostwithyouv October 6th, 2021
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Put your phone down?

Love the one your with?

I can never trust my partner again, and similar behaviour, it seems you don't want to be with her, you need to let her have some clear head space to forget.

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