Deleted Pictures
When I was with my ex at the time, I found out that he deleted pictures of us from 2 years ago to the recent photos. I confronted him about it. He went quiet and couldn’t give me a straight answer for a moment. Then, he explained that he didn’t like how he looked in our photos (compared to the tons of photos he has with his friends and co-workers). I asked why did it matter about our photos vs. the ones he had with his friends. He said he didn’t care about those, just our photos. Then, I asked him why he deleted single pictures of me. He replied that he didn’t feel worthy to be with me. At the time, I took his word for it, but I’ve been skeptical about it. What your thoughts/opinions on this? Crappy or genuine answer?
@scarletTiger073
That must have been hurtful for you. Sometimes, even though we are very close to someone, it is really difficult to tell why they did what they did. I guess it must be confusing for you too as you seemed not convinced with his response. And as you explained the situation where he not only deleted the photos of both of you but your single photos too. No wonder it is a confusing situation.
If he meant what he said, why do you think he might have felt that way? Did he ever mention it in other situations? Is it something he needs reassurance with? And if you are skeptical, what do you think will happen if you told him what you actually think about the answer he gave?
If he meant what he said, I can only assume that he’s struggling on a personal level with himself. He has not mentioned it in other situations, and this is the first time. I reassured him by just saying that I love him and hugged him until he was okay. I did let him know that there’s only so much I could say to him and that because it’s a personal issue with himself, he has to figure it out, and I can only guide him if he opens up more to me. I also reassured that whatever baggage he has, I’ll try to help him.
I’m skeptical about it because he’s talked highly about himself and usually confident with what he does. He’s a straightforward guy, and for him to end up quiet was unusual. If I told him that I called bullshit, I think it would end up being an argument. A therapist did point out to me that it’s an underlying message that he’s dissatisfied in the relationship and he doesn’t know how to communicate that. What do you think?
@scarletTiger073
wow! I really like how you are supportive of him and you reached out to him so he doesn't have to worry. Communication is the key in relationships. And I am glad you took the initiative to talk about it first.
Hmm. I can see how his behavior in general and the one related to the deleting pictures is quite contrary. And yeah, it is possible that if you called him out, it might turn into an argument easily. It is a tough one for sure. Your therapist does have an interesting perspective. I didn't think of it that way. Probably because it is an insight people develop through experience, your therapist might be right. But if I was in this situation, I wouldn't know what to make of it. Because I can't read his mind and I don't know what might be going on under the surface. I would probably look for his behavior in other settings. Are there any clues that confirms this belief? What do you say?
The only thing I can think of was physical intimacy. My body has gone through changes, and I haven’t taken the initiative to start sex because of it (in addition to the stress of going to school). I know he wants to be wanted, and I try to show it in other ways (i.e. picking him up from work, going out to eat, watching shows together, listening to him). I guess maybe the physical intimacy was on top of his mind. Oh. Maybe that’s why he feels that way.
@scarletTiger073
This must have been a difficult phase for you. It is good that you can look at different aspects. But at the same time, it is still just an unconfirmed assumption. The only person who can actually tell the reason is your boyfriend. What do you think will happen if you talked to him about how you feel ? Maybe he has a different reason to do that, we don't know yet.
@scarletTiger073,
What's EFT?
Unfortunately, we broke up and are not on speaking terms. The event happened at the time when we were together and it bothered me until now.
@scarletTiger073
Oh, so I guess we wouldn't know then. I can understand how some events in our life can have such an effect on us that we don't easily forget them. Maybe this was one of that event. I just hope you're doing okay now.