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Advice wanted

littleMap1862 March 31st, 2021

hey guys. me and my partner have been together 9 months. We met, fell in love, and moved in together in the space of 3 weeks. Everything is really good between us, but I feel like I have some issues. Sexually, I feel I initiate the majority of the time, but I get pushed back a lot. I would say I have a pretty healthy sex drive. These issues have been around for a while now. We have spoken about it, and he feels bad because in a previous relationship he was the one getting turned down and he feels like a hypocrite. That expierenced knocked his confidence and I trust that that is why we are having this problem and not because of his attraction to me. I've never had this problem before so I am struggling with it a bit. The main thing is, is that even though I believe him it makes me feel so unattractive. I feel less confident, a bit unwanted, and its really making me overthink and be paranoid in other aspects of our relationship. We have spoken about it and he has said he will try, but its slow moving and even still I feel bad. I just want him to want me. I dont want it to feel like a chore. I'm not sure what I can do to help him, or help myself. He doesn't get himself off (I trust him about this too) and neither do I. But I feel not great about it. And the fact that he has been in my position before just makes me feel like he must have been far more attracted to someone else to keep trying atleast but not so much with me because it just doesn't seem the same. We do have sex regularly, but it just feels its on its schedule and I get knocked back. Any advice?

2
calmCake1350 March 31st, 2021

@littleMap1862 Hi 🙋‍♀️ There is so much at stake that any advice can be misleading imho. Anyway, I've been there, in the same position (I'm a girl, he was a boy). Do some introspection and do not rely only on what he says. Observe everything. You don't deserve any less than be treated like a princess and made feel beautiful and loved. Give it a little time (and give him space) to see what happens. In my case, he didn't love me as a man loves a woman. He worshipped me in a weird way, he liked to show me off, to "have" me, the idea of it. He performed well, but lacked romance, that hand in hand at the restaurant, those naughty look exchages like "can't wait to be alone with you". Plus, he didn't looked at me with THOSE eyes or compliment me (and believe me, I'm pretty and very put together). This is my story. Yours can be different. This is the closest to an advice I can give you. Wish you well. 🤗

1 reply
littleMap1862 OP March 31st, 2021

Hi! Thanks so much for the response :) I'm honestly not too worried, though I really appreciate your insight! He's a lovely guy. He's always complimenting me and when we are together in social situations I always feel like his eyes are on me :) but thank you.

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