Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav

am i actually being selfish and shameless?

uwurai November 27th, 2023

Me and my boyfriend are in a long distance relationship. We have our issues where he puts in a lot of effort for me but i dont manage to give him that much in return, and i told him i would work on myself. a few months ago i moved out of my parents house. for dinner i usually cook alone, but sometimes other students who live here cook together so today i mentioned to my boyfriend i considered joining them sometimes. This lead to a discussion because of miscommunication from both sides, he seemed passive agressive to me and i seemed passive aggressive to him, but he got quite upset with me and said i was being shameless suggesting it, that it was selfish because there was nothing in it from him and because i should be focused on improving our relationship and not add stuff in my own life that causes problems for it. in the discussion he also said that our relationship is so one sided that it could seem to others as if im just using him, and all this together has really hurt me and im really not feeling well. He was against the idea because i would take longer with dinner, resulting in less time together, and i would make new social contacts that could also get in our way. Im in general trying to hold back for him already and i thought this idea wouldnt affect us that much, but he clearly thinks otherwise. Does anyone have advice on how i can approach this?

8
dukeofdearham November 27th, 2023

@uwurai,

do the two of you ever meet, as that is vital.for a LDR to survive.

You want to socialize more which is no more than healthy. A relationship should never solely revolve around the other person. You are entitled to live your own life.

He should do the same.

2 replies
uwurai OP November 27th, 2023

thank you for your response, we do meet up, and yes you're right, that is essential for the relationship to survive. He is basically find with his life revolving only around me/ our relationship and he's trying to be more chill about me doing my own stuff sometimes but yeah, it can get a bit difficult

1 reply
load more
load more
communicativePond1728 November 27th, 2023

@uwurai

Approach it with kindness, both for them and yourself. And make sure you're setting and reinforcing boundaries. 

2 replies
uwurai OP November 27th, 2023

Yes thank you, i will try that. Im not sure how to set boundaries and be clear about them though.

1 reply
communicativePond1728 November 27th, 2023

@uwurai

Setting boundaries or anything rewarding for that matter comes from inside. Being mindful can help you be authentic by building a bridge to the things you want to change and what you desire. There's a mindfulness community here on 7 Cups for accessing tools, skills and resources such as discussions, meditations and more. Hope that helps and makes sense.

load more
load more