Why am I waiting so long for a proposal
Looking for advice on how to get the guy to propose.
waiting…waiting…waiting
He’s 60 now, what gives!!!
help!!! Need serious advice .
@sxn814
for some older folks in that age range they have often done the marriage route and some choose to co habitat ... for various reasons sometimes it is family etc that do not want a late marriage and a inheritance worry etc....
Have you spoke to him and you both on same page.
He’s been close to marriage twice but never married. No kids, and inheritance isn’t a factor. I’m stable and just want a partner to love and spend the rest of my life with. I’m afraid he has commitment issues. Tried hinting about marriage. But he’s avoidant. Even made him watch “the golden bachelor “. Which he grudgingly did.
My fear is spending another 5 years and then told “hey it isn’t working.”
I would prefer to leave now rather than later.
even at my age, men still confuse me.
how do you figure them out?
please pass on some wisdom .
@sxn814
There is no figuring people out male or female.
In his case without the baggage many his age has it may be a thought he never plans to marry. You could propose if you want to.
@sxn814
how does you both spend a usual day with each other or what ddo you do?
Our routine is simple.
We both still work. On days off we’ll meet up. Go for walks. Drive around new areas exploring sites. I’ll cook dinner or we’ll eat out. We’ll watch jeopardy, mash and a movie to unwind, then call it a day.
(sounds boring but I’m happy just being doing low key things)
@sxn814
is this walk a part of both of daily excercise or you go out walking and talking ?
how stressful is both of your jobs ? ( rate individually )
what type of talks usually happen while you walk ?
what do you do on days when he says " he dosent want to go on a walk"?
I’m in the medical field. Stress level 10/10.
He’s in finances. Stress level ???. He doesn’t look stressed. But he likes what he does.
i’m the listener while he’s the talker. I avoid Arguments and usually agree to make things pleasant. We’re older so I do lean towards the old fashion ways. But I see social norms are not the same. Living together and being unmarried doesn’t seem right. I’m scared doing this would give my kids unhealthy ideas with their relationships down the road. I’m a widow and he’s never been married.
i wonder if others would agree???
@sxn814
I would have to say that if you're waiting for someone to propose and hoping to somehow "convince" them to propose, you're setting yourself up for disappointment. Sorry if that sounds blunt.
Everyone's different and we all have different ideals about what makes a good relationship for ourselves. Your idea of a good relationship may be different than his idea. Does he actually want to marry? Is that something he is looking for?
There are lots of people who think marriage is the ideal goal or a relationship, while others want a committed relationship without marriage, and yet others don't want either commitment or marriage. You can't change him or his goals but you can have an open and honest conversation about where you would like your relationship to go. See if you have compatible long-term goals. As long as you are both on the same page, you can choose your own adventure and don't have to conform to the "norm" - but you do have to agree on what you want.
Just my 2-cents
@sxn814,
I know people who've been in a relationship for years and years and neither feel like they have to marry. So what is it for you you need? Prove of commitment? Feeling like if you are married you belong and won't be abandoned? Marriage won't change that. Being together means you feel save with each other, accept each other as is. Learning and working on the relationship every day. Daring to be vulnerable, to trust, to be able to be self.
If all of that is there, it wouldn't differ if you're married or not. Having said that, for some marriage might feel like giving up one's freedom. Like all of a sudden sort of having to meet requirements, needs, meeting someone else's expectations.
I was in a relationship once with someone who wanted to marry. Something felt off to me. Like she wanted to marry out of security like being entitled to assets and alimony if things went wrong. So I didn't marry her and yes, things went wrong, the relationship was already flawed hence her wish to marry.
Maybe talk to yourself first and ask yourself what marriage would chance for you. Then talk with him.
