Unhappy & Stuck in my partner's past.
Hi everyone,
I've been feeling out of balance in my relationship for quite some time now..
Got married last year wth someone I knew for over 4 years; it wasn't very easy given that it was an interreligious marriage.. In fact, the process and struggles were extremely traumatic to think of even today.
On and off through the years, I've been feeling extremely insecure in my relationship. Early months and years, I felt a genuine interest from my partner, but now life seems scheduled and routine. Over the months, our sex life has gone from a few times a month to once a month to over two months now with no sex, and always only when I initiate, which now even I have stopped.
I have over the years brought it up with my partner a few times now, the talk is heard yet nothing changes. In 5 years of being together (dating and marriage), I have never had an *** neither does my partner care.. despite my mentioning it to him.
This makes my feel alone, unloved and very insecure witg myself.. especially when I see him looking at other women.
I also checked his phone thinking maybe he's cheating; luckily I didn't find anything, but did stumble upon old chats with what seems like an ex and pictures which he hasn't deleted. Everything i found was before me and him got together. In the past, I have even seen pictures of him with exes still on social media.. not deleted. This makes me really uncomfortable.
I understand that it was his past, but the whole time we've been dating and now married, he has never posted about me.. neither a post/ dp/tag... nothing. He says he wished to keep his personal life private.
Somehow, that makes me feel like he's embarrassed of how I look, given that he was very different previously.
I don't consider myself the prettiest person in the room, and his actions, checking out other women, no sex, no orgasms, neverwearing our marriage ring.... all this is making me feel extremely disconnected from him, unacknowledged, and more like roomates rather than husband and wife.
We barely go out or do fun things together. It feels more like friends and a warm body to sleep next to at night.
The overthinking is now making me feel physically sick, too... help, please. </3