Three sides to every story
Disclaimer “Each relationship experience is unique and personal.”
Three sides to every story
12 Angry Men, 1957 {starring Henry Fonda, Lee J. Cobb, Ed Begley, E. G. Marshall, and Jack Warden}
Super great movie showing how natural we are at developing an understanding, based on perceptions and natural biasisms. And how we are quick to accept what someone else says {especially when it goes in our favor}.
The movie also shows how a perspective within a situation can change with just a few choice words and much more.
Now let us adapt this to our daily lives. How many discussions have we had with our partner, loved one, and friends where we say “You don’t understand, …” To be Captain Obvious, you are absolutely correct. We don’t understand and we never will. We never can understand. We are not you. There are plenty of toxic phrases like “You are overreacting ..” which can cause more misunderstandings, naturally. There are plenty more we can add to this list, which adds stress in our relationship(s). So what does this have to do with perception?
Our words paint pictures to our audiences. Phrases which have a particular meaning to us, doesn’t always have the same meaning to the audience(s). Being that our Partner and/or Loved Ones are hearing us, we need to make sure we can convey the right or proper picture the best we can. Starting the picture painting process, we should remove what we don’t want in the painting.
Then we start with a clean canvas with a positive mentality.
Ok the title states “Three Sides ..” I have always been told there are two sides to every story… How did you get three?
Ok there are three. Side one is your perspective or view of the truth, then there is the other person’s view or perspective. Then there is the absolute truth. We are incapable of understanding ‘Absolute Truth’.
Huh? I am sure it came quickly to mind.
Ok let me try and explain in a different manner. We will put a (red) vase with 12 roses (white) on a round table in the center of the room. Then we will have 100 people fill in the room and ask them to paint the center piece. Do you think there will be two paintings that will be identical? Absolutely not. How many different hues\tones of red will there be? What if one of them is color blind? Is that painting now wrong? Now let us put a twist on this, what if one of the artists is blind? Another one chose to draw instead of paint. Now are any of them wrong?
The key point is, perspectives. Our lenses that we have developed from the nature, nurture, communities, families, friends, role models and ‘neighborhood affect’ influence us. Our Lenses alter and affect how we perceive and/or see everything.
In our relationship(s) we tend to see each other through these lenses. And sometimes it isn’t fair all parties. I think that knowing that we all see things differently and the hope is that we will stop and think before we speak.
What words or phrases do you think we should remove from our vocabulary?
Do you think our lenses can get cloudy? How do you think we can clear a cloudy lens?
Disclaimer “Each relationship experience is unique and personal.”
@Barltik2065
I think two sides of story ... but Truth lies somewhere in between ...
not exactly 50/50 can be 10/90 or 90/10 sometimes .......but is somewhere in between
What words or phrases do you think we should remove from our vocabulary?
None .... removing or making certain words or phrases " wrong " only adds to division/ confusion ....
we can and should learn to communicate period..... even if presented in ways we do not think are helpful or dislike.
an example if a word or phrase as you say is removed ... if it comes up in conversation the person listening is now thinking "you should not say that" or ready for word police correction mode ... all while missing any thing further being said to them. so no communication happens.
Do you think our lenses can get cloudy?
Real communication is being lost by so many not listening and instead forming their next response...
many were not taught to stop step out of your own point of view and look as if new person to a situation.... we do not seek understanding from another vantage point but often assume it is wrong.
How do you think we can clear a cloudy lens?
@Barltik2065
Relationships are a lot of work. I know it well bc I have three partners. Communication is key and most of all respect. Respect yourself enough to always be kind. Don’t keep issues buried.
We all carry a flame 🔥 personally it is like our soul our worth. Don’t be a flame blower outer. Protect each others 🔥. That is the spark ⚡️ that is our essence. Negative communication blows out our flames 🔥 and once out you cannot get it back in that relationship.
I think most relationship are not unique. They are personal. Most people seek for a partner hence, by definition, their views are clouded and they see what they want to see.
I think that's also a main reason why relationship often collapse.
Yet a relationship can be unique. That requires you to have a solid relationship with you. That requires both partners to have a solid relationship with self.
It doesn't mean that we should be flawless, without pain, hurt, trauma from the past. It means acceptance, it means willing to at least try to share, to be vulnerable, daring to be hurt, willing to take a risk.
My soon to be ex wife can write beautifully. She wrote something some time ago about who is the seer and who is seen.
For me, in black and white, there are seers and seekers. If you seek, then you won't find it in an outer relationship. If you see, it's no longer personal and you just run into someone who might be seeking still but recognizes the "seeing" part in the other. And it might work out.
And two seers who meet, that might create a magical unique relationship.
Learn to see first.
