Relationship with a autistic person and other things

Hey Baby, I love and support you, your autism, and our relationship, but I'm struggling. Despite my best efforts, I feel hopeless, like nothing I say or do is good enough. Your constant messaging and pressure to respond immediately can be overwhelming, especially when you expect me to drop everything to reply. I understand your need for connection, but I need space to breathe and process my thoughts.

When we communicate, I feel controlled by your suggestions on telling me what to say and how to phrase it. You often ask me to remove paragraphs or rephrase everything, which makes me feel unheard. I value open communication, but I need freedom to express myself without guidance. Living together was challenging, too. I felt suffocated by your expectations around my phone use. You'd get upset if I was on my phone during activities or messaged others while you cooked. It felt clingy and obsessive, like I couldn't have my own space or connections.

In past friendships, I've experienced ghosting, ignoring, or blocking, leaving emotional scars. That's why I cherish our connection, but I also need respect for my boundaries. I don't want to be alone, but I also can't bear losing myself in our relationship. I yearn for a balanced dynamic where I can share my thoughts without judgment and respond without pressure.

This is my problem is that I care too much, I don’t want to be alone, I have always had the fear of being alone, ghosted and hurt by others which is something I can’t deal with or finding it hard to cope with things like that causing me to overthink things or feeling like I have done or said anything Wrong or things like that I cry over even things that have hurt me but I do Care more about what people think of me because I have a disability but it will be the same thing even if I didn’t. I just don’t like when people who would say that would be there then instantly disappear from my life without reason but whatever I have in my life which includes my relationship even if it is not good for me I continue to stay in because I just afraid of being alone. I choose not to reach out to others because I am afraid of being ghosted, ignored or blocked but before that happened I have always been too shy to message people first because that is how I have always been because I don’t really do well with starting conversations or not knowing what to say or even avoid talking to people first to avoid being judged or other things even in person I am the same way which is why I don’t really leave the house when I know that I have to leave the house to go to the grocery store but I hate the feeling of leaving the house. I know that I shouldn’t keep myself inside to avoid people or things because the honest truth is I am afraid but I just want people to understand and I want to know that I am not alone.