Partner Telling Silly Lies Any Advise?
Hi , My partner tells some silly lies in our relationship and its really starting to effect me , i would ask her something and she would have an answer then i would ask her again and she would have another answer , we spoke about this last night and she told me that she tells me these silly lies because of my reaction , i totally agree that sometimes i overreact but the reason i do over react is because there is a part of me that knows she isnt being honest , i have told her to promise me that she will start being honest and i told her that i will focus on how i react to anything she tells me , i feel like i cant trust her in other parts of the relationship because of the silly lies , if she was just honest with me from the begining then i really dont think i would react a little when i find out she hasnt been truthfull , is it ok to tell silly lies in a relationship? And can i trust her in other parts of the relationship ? I could really use someones advise i want to build our relationship stronger but i dont think its possible if she keeps telling these silly lies .
@convivialSail864 Like all things in life, moderation is key. 'Silly lies' is a tricky phrase because it would only work if both words work in conjunction. Often, people see a disconnect between lying and silliness, and there are some who overdo on one of the aspects more than the other. If you're unable to get past their 'silly lies', as you put it, either: it may be stemming from your own personal nerves or worries, or your partner is overdoing it and not respecting your boundaries.
It’s understandable that you’d feel unsettled by the inconsistencies in her answers, especially when trust is built on honesty. While some small white lies might seem harmless, they can erode trust over time, leading to bigger issues. It’s important to address both the behavior and your feelings, ensuring you're both committed to open communication and a genuine effort to understand each other’s perspectives. Trust is the foundation of any strong relationship, and it’s tough to build that when even the small things feel untrustworthy. So talk to her about this, and emphasize that you have boundaries and limits.
@convivialSail864
This is a circle problem she says she does this to avoid your reactions and you want to react better but are frustrated by her continuing these lies. She can not wait for you to change reaction before she stops her behavior ......and you are in a spot to not able to stop reacting to a continuing issue.
I found the only way to fix is for a person to disregard the other's progress and change on my own issue. I used to tell spouse things in a better light to avoid his reactions ... maybe what you call silly lies. So i finally just stopped went full truth and he was stunned .....as he had no idea how to act.
Some were silly like finally telling him a shirt he insisted on wearing, made him "look awful" ...vs my trying to say "try this color or what about the other shirt, i like that one better"
if problems are "i do this because... something you do " and same in reverse it will not fix. i am not sure if you have been brutally honest and told partner i am reacting this way because once again your have lied. When it is all transparent it is hard to keep up this circle problem
@convivialSail864 What do you mean “silly” lies? Are your reactions “silly” reactions? If she is lying because you react a certain way then you might want to take a close look at the conditions you may be creating in the relationship.
@convivialSail864
I was wondering what you meant by "silly" lies, not actually believing they would be really so unimportant. And then I remembered your previous postings, and it seems you meant something connected with the past relationships of your partner.
I think we could see this from two perspectives:
Some people tend to lie even when it is not at all necessary (like: not to hurt anyone), but they are just used to not telling the truth, because that can make them feel less vulnerable, safer, cleverer or more in control of things.
But also, some people tend to be overly controlling, too inquisitive, or tending to ruminate (you related to OCD before), and I agree it can make a partner act defensively.
I believe that loyalty is something that one cannot buy - it is connected with the nature and quality of the relationship and the values that two people believe in.
Concentrating on details too much might be distracting you from seeing the big picture of things.
Personally, I'd think your partner telling you things like you were "miserable to be with" (at the same time using your support) could be much bigger issue, much more important to reflect on...
I keep my fingers crossed for you finding your best path in, or out of, this relationship.