Need Advice re: Going No Contact
Hi community,
Sorry for any mistakes. I am currently on mobile, and don't speak English that well.
I don't want to get too much into details, but I was wondering if anyone has any advice on how to go completely no contact with parents/family who has been very toxic, to put it mildly. I am also seeking advice on how to cope in the meantime with living in an emotionally volatile and chaotic household until distancing and going no contact is possible.
I'm really asking for any tips on important items to take when moving out, how do you tell the toxic family members to not contact you again, and any other measures to prevent harassment and potential retaliation once out of the environment (especially knowing that they will not take the news well, plus they know where you currently work and may potentially try to cause problems at the job).
Also for the time being, are there any relaxation techniques, any tips on how to build emotional strength to not let the stressful environment bother too much, and also how to respond to those who ask inappropriate personal questions or try to get into your business and you don't wish to answer, but they get mad when you don't or they make a critical comment if you do tell them your plans or happenings in life.
Also, I would like tips on how to respond when the toxic people intentionally try to provoke or start arguments for really no reason or they get nasty and make personal attacks when someone tries to enforce a boundary with them or defend themselves from their insults.
Any advice is much appreciated ❤
I am really sorry to hear about what you are going through. I will strongly recommend the DEEP technique from Dr. Ramani. You can also search YT for her video. I am enclosing a picture that you can save and memorize. Think about the DEEP whenever you’re taunted.
As I am not able to add the picture, here is what the DEEP acronym stands for:
D - Do not Defend
E - Do not Explain
E - Do not Engage
P - Do not Personalize
Thank you so much for sharing ❤ I've heard of her before, I will definitely check out some of her stuff.
I try my best to just stick with the facts and give as little information as possible when talking with them, or just not engage at all. But a lot of the time they get mad because I don't tell them anything or I tell them politely that it's not their concern whenever they ask personal questions. They also accuse me of having an attitude or personal problem with them even when I try to keep things neutral, or they keep on throwing criticism and insults until they get some sort of reaction (sounds sick I know, but its true).
Then when I try to walk away or disengage, even if I'm calm and unemotional, they accuse me of being a coward, unreasonable, or they say I'm running away and avoiding the issue (but I know none of that is true, they are the ones being impossible to reason with, and I have to walk away to preserve my sanity).
@SensibleSquare,
just stick with the DEEP acronym. Totally ignore them. If they do reach out, again, ignore. You owe them nothing.
I can relate to what you’re saying as I have also been in a similar situation. Gray rocking requires a lot of discipline and practice from us as they try to bait us for a reaction even if we don’t react. I have also noticed that if we don’t respond verbally, they look for facial cues. In addition to gray rocking, I also had to master the art of keeping poker face. Stay strong and you can do it.
