May I have some encouragement?
Sometimes I just do not understand my own feelings. There are things I am aware of like I suffer from abandonment issues and maybe I’m even a little bit of a spoiled brat. But something I don’t understand is why is it that whenever my partner makes a decision without consulting me it just pisses me off?
I fear it may be minor and I’m just blowing it out of proportion but I really dislike feeling like I’m not considered. For example, their family lives close by maybe 2hrs away and whenever something happens they just come in and tell me what they are going to do. It doesn’t even have to be an emergency. Me being agreeable and dumb I never say how I feel.
my issue isn’t actually that they want to be there for their family my issue is that I’m often left in the dark with decisions like this and am expected to understand.
another example they told their parents they could stay with us before even talking to me about it and again me being agreeable and dumb didn’t even speak up. I don’t even think it would matter if I did.
it’s obvious that I feel a way about it because I do not hide my feelings well..
is it so hard to consider your partner? Is it so hard to make decisions together? That’s what you’re supposed to do in a marriage right?
now if I return the favor and just start doing whatever then I am in the wrong and no better than them. I’m really just so tired of not knowing if I’m just outta control or if this is a genuine concern. Any kinds words or not so kind if I’m being dumb would be appreciated.
@anonySea2203
Hello
You are not being dumb or overreacting at all.
It is these small things in marriage and relationships that add up it is death by a million paper cuts. Being agreeable and going along to get a long is to me swallowing a bit of poison and smiling about it.
You should be considered and consulted....... It is not that you would say "no your parents cannot stay" etc... it is about being treated as a partner and equal not the hired help. I agree the reverse treatment does not often go well but sometimes serves as a real visual of how it is frustrating.
Have you had a discussion about this with your spouse? Are your talks with spouse productive?
If you have struggles communicating with spouse you may ask for marriage counseling . Talking and communicating are what I found in my world not the same thing ........ my spouse nods like he is listening when talking then does the same thing.... we have communicated when we reach an agreement and he consistently sticks to plan.
A few times I’ve tried to talk about it but it’s like something just isn’t connecting. Like right now my partner just went into isolation no warning nothing just distance. Of course I don’t do well with that. But it’s so easy and now I’m just left with my own feelings…my mind keeps trying to make it my fault although I know better…it’s too much.
@anonySea2203
Ask yourself does this behavior work for him?
When you want to talk about something, does he do something like isolation that he knows you do not like?
In my life, when we started to talk or bring up something, my partner pulled the silent treatment or something to make me question if this was a battle I wanted....... or try to make me feel it is just me. Hoping I will be "agreeable and let it go" . Only after I no longer played along and I was not phased by silent did he realize this was no longer working and needed to deal with the issues we had.
I hope one day I can stop falling for this trap..it hurts me deeply and I just end up crying