Marriage on its last thread.
Hi my marriage is on its last thread due to my recent episode two days ago. I struggle with depression, anxiety, and alcohol abuse. I was stressed and depressed two days ago from both of my jobs one I own a company. So I had to cover a shift which lead to my poor decision making. My parnter suffered the 5 years together from my drinking and at one point I was 1.5 years sober until we both agreed I can drink beer only and drink with her since she or I can't trust myself drinking by myself or with my friends. So I chose to drink two days ago while my partner was out of state for their job. I didn't cut myself off I drank until I blacked out and said hurtful things to her and my sister. My partner came back home yesterday and before they came home they stated not to talk to them, about the recent episode, doesn't want a hug or a kiss from me, and not talk about their trip for work. We slept in different rooms I didn't eat anything yesterday nor was feeling hungry, I just isolated myself from them so they could have their peace and not be bother by my presence. We talked today but I let them know I am not motivated to do anything today and that I am still depressed (from how I hurt their feelings and trust) they gave me what I should do if I want this to last and I do agree with what they stated seek therapy, quit drinking, find better way to deal with my depression than what I normally do which is drink and self destruct. After our talk I stated that I will still sleep in a different room to continue there space and both be bothered by my presence. I really don't want to lose them it's just hard when all I ever saw from my mom was to drink problems away which I can see doesn't make anything better just worse. My mom is 15 years sober I am glad for her but she has given me trauma as a child. Like my partner asked why doesn't the thought of drinking won't do anything better or maybe I shouldn't drink because I am depressed and stressed. I was scared to talk with my partner and was feeling anxious but I still feel depressed and anxious if I am going to f up again and lose them. Ugh I hate myself and my poor decisions I wish I was a better partner and handle my emotions and thoughts.
@JayNative23
As a spouse of a person who has about 5 yrs sober.... the idea of one beer while in your partners presence was NOT a good idea...i think you both knew what happened could happen.
What are you doing about your stress and depression? What other coping strategy do you have?
YOU know the drinking is adding gas to your issues and yet surprised at the heat of a huge fire.
it is not about them or your mother....... it is about you........ make good decisions for You. Your health / your sanity and be the person you want to be and the rest falls into place.
it is stressful and depressing when you are trying to live for others and not having self care.... while giving them space and worried about their reactions.... where is their support for you?
Marriage is a team sport and if both sides are on the sidelines who is on the field playing the game.
@toughTiger6481
My partner and I agreed after 1.5 years being sober that I could only drink beer around them. They wasn't in state when Friday night happen they weren't in my presence. But I am going to kick it for good this time not just for them but mostly for myself. I do need to learn better ways to help with my depression and stress and anxiety also for my better decision making.
Yes it does suck that support is not fully there or just don't seek it when they are having a tough day or week from there work. But I will try to be more vocal about my depression and stress and anxiety.
@JayNative23
I get what you are saying I too agreed to a bad idea ... it ended badly with a slip up ... i too was out of town ...... i was not be judgmental i walked that road.
Yes you do need to speak up and work as a team or the resentment will build i walked that road too.
I hope you the best in making strong choices... for you ...
@JayNative23 So the culprit in this whole situation is "alcohol". Simple solution - "quit" but we all know that's going to take a while and relapsing is always a fear. Though sounds impossible but little changes that you can do today will add up and eventually make it better in the long run. Firstly please lower the amount of alcohol you intake and let's say you do it only once but drinking to the point of passing out is not okay. Your family's upset with you (understandable) try to make your health better and it will keep others around you merrier, try to wake up early and go for a walk, maybe make breakfast for yourself and family, buy the groceries and put them up yourself, meditation, saying affirmative words to yourself. You need to feel good about yourself in order to do anything else for your family. If you're stressed talk to somebody instead of drinking. My dad always told me "when things go to shi- work the problem not the emotions" and honestly for me that advice works a lot better. Changes doesn't occur at once and your family understands that too. Your family wants you to quit alcohol not because they felt bad but because they couldn't see you in that state, they want YOU to be better, once you start having a positive mindset towards problems, you won't need anything but just your intellect to deal with it.
At the end I'm just a random person here, you can always ignore me but your family's real and they care about you, Do it for them! 🤍
@crimsonPapaya7218
Your words weren't hash. I get it I need to quit but I am asking where's the support before I choose to drink? I support my partner through all of stressful and depressing times and give advice to them and same goes for my mom. It's always until I have one of these episodes and thought of up giving up then they want to support me and then judge me and make me out to be a bad partner or son. I will kick the booze as best as I can and try to maintain but I will need support, love, and understanding. My mom is going to help pay for therapy which I am thankful for but it took this long to get it after almost giving up and crying to her on the phone I am her only son and she has two daughters. I do everything for everyone and it's either not enough or good enough for them then my depression kicks in makes me feel even worse then I choose to drink until I black out and pass out. When I drink I don't care what happens to me. I been shot at many times never been hit thankfully but at times in my depression I wish none of them missed since I am so much for the ones I love. But again I will try to kick the booze for good this time and since I will be seeking therapy this coming in should be a better mental state. I have a friend that will take me to the gym with him so I have a positive way to handle my stress and depression and he doesn't drink.
@JayNative23 there wasn't any mention of your family not being supportive so I presumed they were just fed up ( I'm sincerely sorry for assuming that). I understand how hypocritical your family sounds, not getting support when you need and blaming you for the aftermath, I have seen many such people myself. Now, all I can do is lend you an ear. I'm happy that you're thinking about your health this time, I wish you all the best🤍
