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JayNative23
11 4,963 M Seeking Light 7
PathStep 64 Compassion hearts403 Forum posts70 Forum upvotes113 Current upvotes113 Age GroupAdult Last activeDecember, 2024 Member sinceMarch 25, 2021
Recent forum posts
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Alcohol and depression
Alcohol & Drug Addiction Support / by JayNative23
Last post
 December 15th
...See more Hi I am Jay I suffer with depression and addicted to alcohol. Both sides of my family are alcoholics and so am I. I was sober for a year and half then my partner and I agreed that I could drink beer and only with them. So this being said I was depressed Friday night and gave into my stress and depression chose to drink as I drank heavily while my partner was out of state. My partner and I have been togehter for 5 years and they suffered a lot with my drinking. They are exhausted from the last episode which was a couple days ago. They want to quit drinking which I agreed with our talk today and they want me to seek therapy. The only issue is they expect me to be fully off the booze and in therapy come Jan or they are leaving. I just wished they understood I just can't snap out of hey I am never drinking again because I will get the urge drink when I am depressed or stressed. I will kick it and want to kick not just for them for myself as well. I just need the love, support, and understanding this won't be an easy task as they make it out to be. Not just love, support, and understanding from my partner I will need from my family as well. I know I need better coping mechanisms for my depression and stress I want to try healthier ways to cope. I have trouble sleeping from my childhood which I use alcohol as well to put me to sleep
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Marriage on its last thread.
Relationship Stress / by JayNative23
Last post
 December 9th
...See more Hi my marriage is on its last thread due to my recent episode two days ago. I struggle with depression, anxiety, and alcohol abuse. I was stressed and depressed two days ago from both of my jobs one I own a company. So I had to cover a shift which lead to my poor decision making. My parnter suffered the 5 years together from my drinking and at one point I was 1.5 years sober until we both agreed I can drink beer only and drink with her since she or I can't trust myself drinking by myself or with my friends. So I chose to drink two days ago while my partner was out of state for their job. I didn't cut myself off I drank until I blacked out and said hurtful things to her and my sister. My partner came back home yesterday and before they came home they stated not to talk to them, about the recent episode, doesn't want a hug or a kiss from me, and not talk about their trip for work. We slept in different rooms I didn't eat anything yesterday nor was feeling hungry, I just isolated myself from them so they could have their peace and not be bother by my presence. We talked today but I let them know I am not motivated to do anything today and that I am still depressed (from how I hurt their feelings and trust) they gave me what I should do if I want this to last and I do agree with what they stated seek therapy, quit drinking, find better way to deal with my depression than what I normally do which is drink and self destruct. After our talk I stated that I will still sleep in a different room to continue there space and both be bothered by my presence. I really don't want to lose them it's just hard when all I ever saw from my mom was to drink problems away which I can see doesn't make anything better just worse. My mom is 15 years sober I am glad for her but she has given me trauma as a child. Like my partner asked why doesn't the thought of drinking won't do anything better or maybe I shouldn't drink because I am depressed and stressed. I was scared to talk with my partner and was feeling anxious but I still feel depressed and anxious if I am going to f up again and lose them. Ugh I hate myself and my poor decisions I wish I was a better partner and handle my emotions and thoughts.
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New here needing vent and ask questions.
7 Cups Online Therapy / by JayNative23
Last post
 December 10th
...See more Hi I am Jay. I am looking into therapy for depression, anxiety, self destructive tendies, alcohol abuse, past trauma, Trigger Warning-abuse both physically and sexually, manage my thoughts and feelings, better decision than my poor one that I tend to do, and relationship with my partner and family and friends. Most of the time I can manage on my own when I am depressed. But when I had enough I tend to rely on alcohol (I am in the addiction forum for that). My recent episode was two days ago. I work a full time job and run a company as well. So many of my employees were calling out and we were spread thin so I had to work the site for a few hours until we hired someone to worknthe site. Since I was stressed and depressed (my partner was out of state for their work) I chose to drink my problems and thoughts away. This lead up to issues in my relationship I have a history of heavy drinking and blacking out saying hurtful things to ones I love because I am not happy with myself. When I am depressed I feel: self hating, not enough, always the bad guy, I don't do self harm but do wish I don't exist at times or something bad to happen to me so I won't be a problem to anyone ever again., I feel less motivated to do anything or have trouble focusing on things, and I self isolate from everyone and just be lost in my thoughts in a dark room.
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New here needing someone to chat with until I get into therapy.
Depression Support / by JayNative23
Last post
 December 9th
...See more Hi I am Jay, I suffer with depression and anxiety. Don't want to do self harm but I tend to wish something bad happens to me where I don't exist anymore. When I am depressed it mainly about my relationship of not being a better partner to my partner. She has been through a lot with me and my alcohol abuse I drink until I black out and say hurtful things to anyone. Our relationship is on it last thread thankfully she talked with me today after my recent episode of depression and alcohol abuse. I don't want to lose her but I need to get the help I need. Things that make me depressed: 1. Financially causes me to less than or I always have to borrow money so I hate myself for this and makes me feel low about myself or not enough. 2. Family issues everyone comes to me like I have the answer for everyone or they tell me about their problems but don't want to help me with mine when I need the help before I choose to drink and make things worse. So all this makes me feel I am a burden to everyone and no one cares so I don't care about myself being. 3. Work tends to take a huge effect on me I work a full time job and run a company so I am stressed and depressed with these two a lot. With my company I feel like no one takes me serious and so that leads me to feeling that way about myself and not care anymore. 4. My relationship with my partner is stressful and depressing because I feel like she is wasting her time with me because all I ever do is f up and I am not a good person for her. Or if I don't do it provide enough I feel less of myself and leads to self hating. My thoughts when I am depressed: 1. Self hating 2. Not enough 3. Wishing I never existed 4. I am always the bad guy even when I am trying my hardest it's never enough. 5. I feel like a piece 💩 majority of the time 6. Wanting to take my emotions on other so they can hurt me besides my own thoughts saying hurtful things about myself. 7. Never motivated to do things or struggle with staying focus on tasks I set myself for, job, relationship, family, and financially. 8. I tend to isolate myself from others and just lay in a dark room just listening to my thoughts and not talk with anyone until I feel like I can.
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Checking in 10/04/22
Addiction Support / by JayNative23
Last post
 December 9th
...See more I am a alcoholic I drink until I black out I had an episode last week. But I currently 5 days sober now I did have urges to drink a few days ago but I didn't drink I am proud of myself I really do hope to continue on my sobriety from alcohol. It's hard I come from an alcoholic family I had few family deaths in the past two years from them drinking everyday. I tend to get my urges when I am stressed or depressed and I would drink my pain away because that's all I ever saw. But when I black out I'm an angry drunk or I wonder off and have people worried don't know where I am and have family and friends look for me. So I will try to check in as much as I can and have this post help remind me to stay sober and fight the urges when I get them. I been sober twice from alcohol 1st time was for 2 years and the 2nd time was for 6 months last year.
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Idk what to do or say right now
Relationship Stress / by JayNative23
Last post
 October 2nd, 2022
...See more So I suffer from from depression and Wednesday night I drank my pain away while mymwifemoutmof town for work. That choice wasn't the right decision because it my depression worse. So I called my cousin and uncle to come stop me from my thoughts I also talked with my mom too. My cousin and uncle came to my rescue. Now since my wife back home we are distant there's an imaginary barrier between us. She said she'll help me get therapy but out of no where she thinks I cheated. I was with my cousin the whole time and my mom and cousin talked throughout the night til 11am when I ca,e back home from my cousin distracting my thoughts we went to get food went to the casino. How does one say they want to help me but then jump to conclusion say I cheated like wtf.
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Dealing with depression, alcoholism, self destructive tendencies.
7 Cups Online Therapy / by JayNative23
Last post
 October 6th, 2022
...See more I deal with depression randomly I doubt myself to many things, I think the world a d everyone that's loves me would be better off if I was here anymore. I always been a heavy angry drunk black out all the time multiple times of the week. My most recent episode was the other day I could have lost my marriage by feeling depressed and I drank to ease the pain but it didn't do that made more problems then there already was I was black out thinking of not being here any more but I called someone to come to me. My wife out of town she come back tonight and she was upset, disappointed, worried, and scared. We are working this out. I been sober 2 times one time I was sober for 2 years and the last time was sober was for 6 month. I thought I had my depression and alcohol addiction under control because I really doing good up until the other day i had my episode. Me and the wife talked earlier and we will be looking for a therapist for me. I have past trauma from things that happened me as a child. I'm trying to turn my life around I used be blacked out all the time get into fight or I would just wonder off and disappear til someone come find me or I wake up from a black out hungover to realize where I was at. I used to talk to my closet one to me about everything but I been distancing myself and holding things in lying telling people that I'm good or okay. I'm taking it one day at a time right now and I'm finds positive ways to deal with my depression. If anyone has advice or know a could therapist on here please let me know. I'm trying to turn my life around live a happier life.
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