Is there something wrong with me ?
I have this hole I feel in me that I can’t even close up. I feel pretty confused. I’m dating my current bf for only 3 months now and I already feel like I’ve been messing up. My past relationship was 5 years and it hard for me bc it was super rushed and I was so young not knowing how things works and if I truly loved him or not. Even after 5 years of being with him I still feel like I can’t love or be loved. Currently after a year of being single, I’ve found a really great guy and he took me by surprise and made me feel all sorts of good. He asked me out very soon on and said I love you first. I was pressured to say it back so I did and ever since then I’ve been regretting it. I’m not there yet maybe ? Everyone is telling me I’m happier with him but recently I’ve been feeling not happy and overthinking a lot. Really pressuring myself to figure out if I love him or not. Why can’t I fully love him. I’m able to instantly care for him and be there for him but I simply have a hard time showing more affection through words like I love you. Why don’t I even accept his love? In person I feel more connected than through phones but still why do I struggling to say I love you. He does make me really happy and I find myself being more open to affection with him usually I hated to be touched all the time and hugged but he makes me feel comfortable doing so.
He now believes that when I say I don’t mean it and that he can’t tell if I’ll ever will love him. I simply in shambles and don’t know what to do or how to fix this. I don’t even know what I need for myself. I feel like I’m a cold person just self destructing good things in my life. (My family rarely told me they loved me so it’s awkward for me to say it to them or to anyone )
I know this is a long message I just don’t know what to do anymore.
@butterflyy3, I understand how you must feel disappointed and like you could've done better. I can see you appreciate your boyfriend and don't want to hurt him, but you're confused because not sure about your own feelings. I believe knowing the root of your problem is important and I'm glad you made the first step by realizing this could come from your family rarely telling you they love you - would you like to share more about this?
My parents rarely show me that they care for me through words it is only through actions I see it. I’ve never heard them say I love you to me either especially in person I feel like it would be extremely awkward for any of us to say that. Even just to be soft or vulnerable it would be awkward for us. My dad would text it to me once in a while but that’s truly it. I’ve always been told that I never liked hugs never liked affection since I was bored because I came out with my hands up in the air.
so could this be the reason I struggle to say those words? But I can easily show my love through actions and caring for them deeply.
@butterflyy3, P.S everyone has something "wrong with them", in other words, weaknesses. I how this belief can make you feel defective in relationships. However, it's important to have self-compassion and realize you were just doing what felt right at the moment.
@butterflyy3
Love is one of those things that you cannot IMO make happen.
If you do not feel it and know deep down how you feel it you should not say it.... this is the issue many have perhaps they say it under pressure as you felt or hope in saying it it would blossom from whatever buds of a relationship you have. I did not get a lot of words or action from family early on and felt sort of lost like how would i ever know if i met someone etc.... In my case when it happens you Know .
Can you explain to your bf that you felt pressured to say it before you were ready being honest and talking will be better then faking it or hoping it happens before this ends.
Thank you for this. I did tell him that I felt pressured to say it. He’s just not handling it greatly bc he gets sad about it and thinks I’ll leave him. Which then stresses me out. He still loves me a lot and wants us to work through this and I hope he can be patient with me until I am ready to say it. I don’t think I want him out of my life as I’ve been told I’ve been more positive and happier since we met.
Mind you I haven’t seen him in a while he’s been bed ridden sick with bronchitis so maybe I need to see him usually when I’m with him it’s a different magical feeling.