I responded to ex lol obviously bad idea.

Idk why I even responded back. He said he was watching my stories to make sure I’m ok because he cares about me but we kept talking and he said that he would never trust again or be normal and stuff and I genuinely was worried he’d tried to commit again but he said he’s not worried about that but he said without saying it that he’s more worried about trusting someone again and that everyone in this world is eveil and I’m like so you’re saying I ruined love for you? And he didn’t wanna answer and said he hates everyone and I’m like you shouldn’t worry about love rn you should focus on yourself and my *** got sad and asked if he misses me he said yes and I asked if he kept our pictures and he said no he deleted everything and that hurt me and I knew from the beginning I should’ve never messaged him back but I gave the benefit of the doubt. I got upset and was like I knew this was a bad idea to respond back because I obviously do care about you a lot and you don’t so idc if you respond or not but he told me before that we will never be together like 2 weeks ago but I never responded to that message. I have bpd and I know he was my person and I loved him and I think I’m holding on because I’m scared to be alone. But dudes upset at me like yes I messed up too in the relationship but he physically would abuse me and that’s a lot to go thru. I’m not invalidating his feelings but I never hit him or anything like I’m 5’3 he was 6 ft 200 lbs and like there’s no way I could hurt him he wouldn’t let it happen. I think he doesn’t know it but I think he’s bread crumbing me and I’m engaging in it and just hurting myself because I could wait for us to heal and try again but that can take months or more but he doesn’t even wanna try to do that. I’m so self aware it sucks. I need to move on but I miss him :(