I need help regulating my emotions with my boyfriend
I am dating someone who is the most amazing human being ever i am so happy that to be dating him. That being said, he has noticed i’ve been starting fights again recently. I’ve done this before and now where i start fights over the smallest thing. Like today we were on our morning call and he couldn’t hear me i got irritated and then i got mad when he started singing cuz i thought when he was ignoring me. It sounds dumb now but at the time I was upset. Then he said he notice that anything he does in the morning upsets me. It’s very little things like not being able to hear me, him telling me he can’t talk to me when he’s driving (the way he said, idk i’m very sensitive) and even just saying short stuff. A bit of background, growing up, half my life my dad and mom argued. I never felt heard. There was countless arguments with my dad and mom. My dad left me when i was 12 and came back when i was 15?16? But even now my dad gets mad at little things too and is yelling at my sisters when we are with him. I am a bit of a dad’s girl and look up to him too. I’ve heard this could be a reason for reacting the way I am with my boyfriend. Recently, well, actually since my dad came back, there had been arguments with my dad and mom about the bill. My dad is paying most of the bills while paying rent and my mom is only paying the light bill. My mom doesn’t clean the house and it’s mostly up to me to clean it. I haven’t been feeling the best lately so i haven’t been able to snd i feel helpless, i have to finish my schoolwork before break to graduate early, i have kittens my mom has been neglecting leaving the responsibilities on me but when i bring up giving the kittens to my dad so we can not deal with the worry of them getting ran over she gets mad at me. My dad is the only one in the family who drives. That’s what has been happening lately. But i do want to stop and not act that way towards my boyfriend as he is so kind like wow, i’ve never been treated like this or had a healthy relationship and i don’t wanna ruin it because it feels right and i just wanna be more like my bf like how he doesn’t get mad at me for little stuff and is very gentle i don’t wanna be the reason he can’t bring up stuff to me cuz i will get mad
hey i hope you’re feeling better. i totally understand what you’re talking about. def had this problem multiple times lol so you’re not wrong or evil or sh.itty. and don’t let the guilt get too ya too much. this is totally normal stuff.
tbh it says more that you’re able to see this, address this and actively try to improve…that is very very cool of you.
for me when i was being mean over little stuff, it was nvr that stuff that had me actually mad. does that make sense? in my experience i had an underlying issue that was the real cause. sometimes it was serious like relationship issues but sometimes it was something small, like i didn’t eat well or sleep well.
then other times it was bc i was so happy with life that i was looking everywhere for reasons that might make it go wrong. i feel like my mom does that one a lot hahaha
anyways i really hope you’re feeling better and im here if ya need to chat 🙂
thank you so much for the advice! i appreciate it!
absolutely! i’m so happy you appreciate it! just keeping being you and you’re gonna be great 🙂
@marsbursss
starting with your background , thats ok that you saw your parents argue , thats ok life is everywhere like that . who assigned you to clean the house or care for kittens is it yourself or one of parents or both of your parents. just dont do it and avoid mental hassle until your parents interfere like whats the problem . you explain it then. as far as you getting irritated is concerned i say " forget the feeling that people will forget you / not hear you" and ok i hear you , what you lack is a safe space to express and finally you have found it in your bf which you dont want to lose , so it might be the reason for being irritated , moving from this state to being carefree is a bit difficult at this stage . so for now you have to figure out how you can dissolve the void within you , why you cannot be your friends to sort things out , whats the obstacle thats stopping you and what steps / methods you would need from us and when to help yourself?