I do not know how to love again or find meaning in being alive now.
I had deep feelings for a girl for around 8 years, specifically in the last 3 shes been on my mind all the time, i go to sleep thinking about her and everything i ever do in my life is with her in my mind as motivation, i have never been able to conquer even simple tasks without her as a leading motivation. Using today as an example, I did not shower or eat breakfast simply because I didn't feel like it and in the past I would force myself too in order to smell good or look good for her. Last night i had a deep conversation with her and I do not think I will ever get with her, I think that was the guarantee that it is completely over. I will respect her decision to keep me out of her life but I am not sure my own body can accept it and I worry for motivation as today for example I skipped two classes and got in trouble a lot for being disrespectful. I just feel like there is no point in anything without her, there is nothing I want in life shes always just been my goal. I cry whenever i start to think deeper about living my whole life without her so i try not to, but i feel so stuck right now.
I do not know what to do, any sort of help or advice would be nice since right now I have been unable to leave my room for a while and I have no clue how i'll function on the weekend not to mention attending school next week.
Hi @LucasBeu, I hope you feel better. It sounds like you spent a lot of energy on your crush for the past 8 years so without her, you’re feeling lost and “stuck”, including losing motivation because the feelings are not mutual. It sounds like you’re heartbroken.
I wanted to share that I can relate to you in the sense of having a person or in this case a group of people (my family) be the center of my universe and to not have that reciprocated, it doesn’t feel good. I know it’s not completely the same as what you’re going through. But my reactions were similar to you where I’ve lost my motivations and didn’t want to leave my room. I felt like my mission and my reason for living was gone. But I’ve made it out of those feelings and you know what? It feels good to not have those dark clouds under me. This may or not work for you but give it a try and see if it helps. I can understand that leaving the room is not easy… when i was in it, i felt like i physically couldn’t move. So, what I did was I chose one day to go out with friends. Depending on how I felt which often time wasn’t great, so I gave myself a time limit. I said, “I’ll go out there for an hour and I’ll come back.” It helps to be able to count it out. The other thing I did was either go out for a walk and sit on a bench at the park to watch activities or people for 15 or 30 minutes, or go to the gym for 15 or 30 minutes. After doing this, I ask myself “how do I feel?”. This isn’t easy to do but try to take baby steps and check how you feel each time. With time, your heart will heal. But for right now, maybe it might be helpful to focus on those 15 to 30 mins that you can do today and take it day by day. I hope you feel better soon!
