How to deal with other peoples feelings?
Hey everyone,
I broke up with my partner about two months ago. Even though it still hurts and I'm still struggling sometimes, I feel better everyday. I'm finding my peace with it.
He made such a mess of my life and his own, having affairs, getting in debt everywhere etc etc. I'm bettsr of and I really realize this.
The thing is, he also betrayed some friends of mine. They are very upset because of my situation and their own pain in this. They expect me to be mad about the situation and keep talking about getting revenge. I love my friends deeply, but these conversations are not helping me and also not helping them. I want them to have their own path of grieving and getting through this, but I don't know how to explain to them that this isn't my path. I don't want to be angry or take revenge, I want to leave this all behind and focus on my future. Maybe someone here has any tips to help me explain this in a loving way... ?
@needlenelly
i think you have got this.... you can not change their feelings or ideas of revenge etc.... but that is not where you are anymore. being upset and feeling like they do loves to talk about it and feed off of the drama.... i did not get it for a long time but now totally understand walking away and not even giving whomever any time or space in my thoughts...
How you have explained it here is respectful of them being ticked off but says you are past it.... i feel we search too hard for right words etc..... when we speak from our hearts they will understand
@needlenelly
i think you have got this.... you can not change their feelings or ideas of revenge etc.... but that is not where you are anymore. being upset and feeling like they do loves to talk about it and feed off of the drama.... i did not get it for a long time but now totally understand walking away and not even giving whomever any time or space in my thoughts...
How you have explained it here is respectful of them being ticked off but says you are past it.... i feel we search too hard for right words etc..... when we speak from our hearts they will understand
@needlenelly
i believe that you that you can handle the conversation quite well . best wishes to you . hope they understand .
here is something that i would have said " hey , "A" , i know you want me to hate and want to take revenge on this person and thats good but do you wish to remember to person or to forget the person , if you wish to forget the person , wouldnt it be better to get rid of his memories or things that trigger you. Recently i read/ watched something that talked about hate being a strong emotion , and you know with all the things going on within our lives , would it be wise to keep a strong feeling for this person . i listened to you and tried it , the more i tried to hate this person , the more he occupied a part of me . and i did realise that this person is not worth my time. do you think i should continue to waste my time and emotional health thinking about him ? lets just try to forgive him together . he was just a bad person and dont you know what bad people do is bad things"