How do I change my mindset?
I'm going through a breakup and I'm trying to make peace with the fact that he's not who i thought he was and I had idealized and romanticized him but that is not who he is. I can calm my mind with breathing and affirmations, but I find myself thinking about what I'd say when/if he comes back, or what I'll do if he comes visit for Christmas (we were long distance and we have friends in common, so he has showed up for Christmas before, and be fore the breakup he had planned on visiting this year). Basically my mind is seeing this as a "heal just enough to keep it together until you have contact with him again". I know that I need to move on, and I'd like to change that mindset to a mindset of "It's done, you're not talking to him again, don't wait for a text, a call, or a visit". I hope I'm making sense here, I would appreciate some advice, my heart and mind are in pieces right now
@CrimsonRed999
relationships can be so difficult 😔 breakups even more because even if we know that we are better off without them the heart still yearns for them... me thinks it's the attachment and habit of the person that we miss the most and that makes us adjust our life again without them seem hard ... specially if the breakup is recentÂ
even if he wasn't what you thought he was... and things didn't work out between you two... at one point it did and you may have some good moments with them... so it's ok to miss them and grieve the loss of relationship but try to remember why it didnt work out, that you deserve better and different... maybe occupy yourself with hobbies or other stuff to keep mind off but also be gentle with you 💕💕 sending huggles
@CrimsonRed999
Hello. It is sad to hear you must be going through the most intensive part of a breakup, feeling torn, one part of you wanting to come back to the routine, and not risk the future which cannot be foreseen, while at the same time another part telling you that you should go forward, try something else and grow.
As a listener I cannot give you any advice, because you are the only and best expert on your life. But I can try to highlight some points.
Please, tell me: Do I assume correctly that the breakup decision was yours? And it was not made by you under the pressure of a moment, but you thought it over thoroughly, considering many factors? If so, what makes you think you could want to change that?
Besides, have you considered all the options? After the breakup the guy might not try to visit you. You might be unavailable at the time (spending time with your family or being in a different town). He might want to avoid the places where he can meet you. Or, last but not least, you can meet him unintentionally, but see him in a new light, and confirm to yourself that you had made the right decision. What makes you think only about the worst scenario? How do you feel about that?
Thank you so much for your response, I don't really have anyone to talk to about this.
So the breakup came out of nowhere. I noticed he want saying I love you back, I asked him if everything was ok and he started a fight. I asked for a couple of days to sort out my feelings and he completely stopped talking to me. After a week of him ignoring me, I reached out again to try to work things out and he ignored my calls and my texts. When he finally replied, it was to tell me I was violating his boundaries and he made me feel like a bad person. I realized the way he was treating me wasn't healthy and that i needed to talk away for my own sanity. So in a way, yes, I walked away, but he didn't everything he could to push me away.
@CrimsonRed999
Hi, I'm so very sorry you're going through this. I can't give you any advice, but I want to say that I'm going through almost the exact same situation right now. Except, he initiated the breakup and never gave me a solid reason why. It hurts because I'm still searching for that closure. I wonder if this is just a bad dream, I'll wake up and I'll see a good morning text from him like usual, or if he just had a lapse in judgement and made a mistake. I keep waiting for that text, that call, for him to sit besides me like he usually does. I remember making plans together for this Halloween. Like you, I also assume I can hold it together until he comes back. But- when he does, could I forgive him for causing me so much pain?
I wish you the best in whatever happens, from one yearning heart to another.Â
Hi,
I just wanted to let you know that I'm going through the same situation. I miss her so much, but I know that this person that I'm missing the presence of was only in my mind and that the reality of who she is is much different to what I believed. It's hard to accept. I will have to see her again soon as she is in my friend group, and we were also long distance. I'm not sure how it's going to go, but I'm worried.
I hope it helps to know that you are not alone in this situation!