Drinking

@peachCat4083 Hello. I am sorry, but what would you think if I told you that your husband's drinking looks very dangerous?

Drinking one beer, one glass of wine, one long drink or one shot of vodka every day is enough to become chemically addicted to alcohol.

Among other alcoholic "red flags" are (among other things): drinking day by day more than three days in a row, needing still more and more alcohol to get "properly drunk", drinking alone or being constantly irritated when you are sober and there is not enough alcohol around.

Your "walking on the eggshells" tells me you might be already well in the co-dependency patterns. What if you read a book from Beattie Melody and found yourself there?

I am sorry, but I am an ACoA (adult child of alcoholic), knew many AA members and many alcoholic wifes, and your story looks too familiar... 😢 

@jacek73

I sincerely appreciate your response. I feel confused on how to approach him. I want to find the right words to use so he doesn't think I'm attacking him.

I'm an avid reader and already have two of her books pulled up. I'm hoping her words will help me verbalize my own feelings.

I started attending attending a boundaries meeting with my step moms AA group. It's once a week and it's been encouraging. But I still need a push or some help facilitating a conversation with him.

thank you again for your words of wisdom and recommendation.

@peachCat4083 I am happy to hear you've already started your personal journey to growth 😊 People in a family are interconnected, so I believe a change in one of the members may result in a change in the others.

To me it sounds great if you're going to keep loving your husband, but stop shielding him from his own responsibilities.

I wish you still have a lot of wisdom, courage and serenity 😊 

@jacek73 I have Codependent No More on audiobook. Cant wait to drive in.

I realized that I'm reminiscing on the good times. When he was sober. I need to talk with him.

@peachCat4083

As a spouse of a recovering alcoholic ... i wish i would have spoke up earlier.

There are no "right" words they will get mad / upset/ defensive you name it.....no matter what words you use. 

Rationalizing that it  is only a small amount and only a lot on some days it makes little difference..... sooner or later it will get worse and then the rationalizations are harder to believe.  It is the long term things you will regret.... not the choice of words. 

 Long term spouse "forgets" or cannot remember the best times of our lives... costs us lots of money/ time and we have tons of could have / should have moments  and makes me feel like his parole officer not his spouse.  

drinking does not make someone "Happy"  just lets them forget or pretend things do not bother him ..... but never fixes anything when he loses his Buzz what ever drives them to drink is still there.  Honestly when or if your spouse becomes sober and quits ...  There might be times you will find you miss the "happy, Fun" spouse. 

@toughTiger6481 This is what I needed to hear. Thank you so much for sharing.

I am going to read a book that someone else recommended to help facilitate a conversation. As scary as it may seem, I will approach him. I have to.

My favorite memories with him are when he was sober for a year. I fell in love with him so deeply. I'm definitely clinging onto those memories in hopes he'll take initiative to get sober. I do feel a bit stupid for having that hope for so long. It's not coming unless I say something.