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Discovering red flags in newer friendship

Summershy October 25th

Last Friday, I had a get together at my place with some friends of mine and for the most part had a great time.   Of the people who came was a newer friend of mine and happened to see several red flags.  🚩.

  1. When he showed up, he didn't seem like he was that excited to be there
  2. He told me that he was tired
  3. He kept asking me when we were going to open gifts because he got me one
  4. When I asked him about a friend of his, he told me that he did not want to talk about it and not to ask him about her anymore because they fell out
  5. He didn't really interact with anyone
  6. After he left before everyone, he sent me a very rude text in which in criticized me by not only giving unsolicited advice but also told me that I had to change
  7. He told me that he was only telling me this because he is my friend and cared about me
  8. During an exchange in text messages, I attempted to set boundaries

-He minimized what I said with "Happy Birthday and Goodnight."

-He also wanted to keep having the last say

-He gave me a fake apology

-He wanted to have the last say and argue back 

At that point, I didn't even say goodnight, I just stopped responding and then unfriended him and deleted his contact information.

8. Then after I unfriended him, I noticed that he and this woman, who he said that he fell out were still friends on FB.   

-Though I don't want to gossip, I do question him on what he told me. 🚩


2
Clio9876 November 7th

@Summershy

It sounds like you have a good handle on what matters to you. And you seem to have noticed that this person has different ideas on what matters, to you. This is OK. Everyone is different. It's likely that you won't get along well with someone with very different opinions to yours, and that's OK. You don't have to be friends with everyone. With some people it's better to just stay away and limit interaction. Which is what you've already done.

Regarding unrequested unhelpful advice, here's a thought I like.

If someone wishes to give you a gift, but you don't chose to receive it, who does the gift belong to?

Most people would say the gift belongs to the giver.

So. If someone gives you a gift of advice you don't want, who does the gift belong to if you chose not to accept it?

You have the right to decide whether advice is useful to you or not. If you decide not to accept it, then it is no longer yours to think about any more.

To whom do you feel the need to justify your actions in both blocking this person and rejecting their advice? Because I see no need for justification. You are totally valid to do either thing.

Summershy OP November 7th

I blocked him but I still have the gift but I need to look up his new address