Breakup after 4 1/2 years
Hi everyone,
my boyfriend of 4 1/2 years broke up with me officially over text earlier. We were meant to just be on a break to reassess because he wanted to break up, and then we were going to meet up in person to speak to each other after a month. Well… he sent me a whole paragraph earlier officially ending things, saying he’s sorry and that there’s nothing wrong with me but he can’t be there for me emotionally and mentally. He said he doesn’t regret the 4 1/2 years and thinks its best that we don’t meet up in person anymore..
I haven’t replied and I may never reply because the past few days I really started to see him in a different light. The amount of times i’ve tried to justify his behaviour towards me, the effort I poured in when I barely got even the bare minimum and then the disrespect when he told me he wanted to break up a few days before i leave for my home country for the month when he knows I haven’t been home in over 5 years.
i haven’t let this ruin our holiday because I’m really trying to keep myself positive around my family but this really hurts. I trusted him so much and he was my best friend but he couldn’t even wait until we speak in person to tell me this. I don’t believe I deserve this as I treated him so well :( I really tried to atleast give him the space he wants but I can’t and won’t beg him to stay anymore.
I’m taking this as a blessing in disguise for the start of 2025. I respect myself so much more to just walk away in silence and be better by myself. Any kind of support would be appreciated <3
@intuitivePenguin4529
I think it is a positive attitude to take this as a blessing in disguise. I think even though you thought this was just a break you could see as it sounds like you were not getting much in return for your efforts .
Happy new year and may 2025 be the year you grow and perhaps meet some one worthy of you
@intuitivePenguin4529
I had a similar thing happen to me with my first real girlfriend. We had dated for my first two years of college in the time before the internet when dinosaurs walked the earth and dirt was new. Things were getting rocky towards the end of my second year. We went to separate summer jobs but committed to call regularly. We did, but I could tell we were drifting apart and she kept talking about another guy where she was (she eventually married him).
We finally had a talk about the state of things. We agreed that we needed to do some work and would come back to school and give our relationship a month or two then make a decision. I didn't want to leave a two year investment without at least some effort. But, as the summer continued, I knew that it was over. However, I was not going to do it over the phone or through a letter.
Evidently, she didn't feel the same way. Not long later, I received a letter from her breaking up with me. I was pretty *** that she couldn't even have the courtesy to call. So, I turned the letter over, wrote, "Whatever you think is best is fine with me" and sent it back. (Letters were like emails back in those dark ages - not much different from breaking up over text)
Turned out to be a blessing for both of us. I met my wife the next summer and have been with her for 27 years. She married the guy.
Even though I knew it was over, it still hurt and it was difficult, at first, to see her at school. Breakups are hard. All this to say, you're not alone. What you feel is normal. It will pass. You can do whatever you need to gain closure as you go on with life. The way he did it sucks, but you're approach is solid.
I just remembered that my daughter's first boyfriend made her a wooden box with their initials on it where she could keep keepsakes of their relationship. He broke up with her over text. In response, she took the box out back, burned it and sent him a picture. lol
This gives me such hope thank you for telling your story! You’re absolutely right though, it will pass and I think I handled it in a way that felt right to me in the moment.
also love that for your daughter haha.