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Hi all,
I’d just like to gain some insights from people on here regarding my situation. I apologize if this is a bit long. So i’ve been with my boyfriend for 4 1/2 years, been through college, travelling and so many memories together. i truly see him as my partner and bestfriend. We’d always talk about the future, getting married, kids and he wrote songs about me. I’ve never felt more safe and comfortable being myself around him.
We recently graduated from college, and he decided to join training for the guards straight after and I decided to take a year off before pursuing my masters as I felt severely burnt out. I’m so so proud of him and I love being here to support him as his cheerleader.
Recently, I felt like I was giving a lot more effort than he was in the relationship but I always just said it’s because he has his career to prioritize right now so I was okay with it. I always tried to call him to check up on him, how his day was going and tried my best to show my appreciation. At one point, I started to feel lonely? He was drinking with his friends and I was waiting for a call even if it was a little late, I waited. I was happy he was enjoying his time but I couldn’t stop the feeling of craving his attention a little bit more, you know? I was waiting sometimes hours for a text back or i’d expect a call after his night and he’d forget or just be too tired.
anyway, i tried to understand and he made time for me once a week. I cleared off my schedule to have Saturdays specifically for him. And that was our time to spend together. Whenever we’d spend time together, he was always feeling tired and I just wanted to be in his presence, ofcourse I wanted physical intimacy but I knew he was exhausted so I never pushed for it. After many weeks of trying to life his spirits up, i got a little upset because when I do see him I just wanted him to show some love. It never turned into a fight or an argument but i’d express my feelings and he’d apologize and say he was just really tired.
Then after that, we’d decided on a day after his stage 1 training where we’ll have a sleepover. I was super excited, even called him to bring his big snoodie so we can cuddle and be comfortable. He picks me up after work and then parks near my house and then all of a sudden says “I think we need to break up”. I didn’t get any clues that he was feeling anything negative that day so it absolutely broke me. He explained that he has been feeling emotionally distant the past few weeks and feels he couldn’t be there for me emotionally and physically. I reassured him that it was okay because I understood that he was always exhausted and apologized if I ever did or said anything to make him upset. I practically begged for him to give us a second chance, which probably made me look so dumb. We were just crying together and even though I was upset I couldn’t bring myself to yell at him or get mad at him…
I left after a little while and broke down in front of my mom. I called my friend and she said I should call him again and talk it out. So we called again two hours later, I offered the alternative that maybe he just needs a break. Give him time and space because he’s overwhelmed and stressed and maybe I was adding to that. So i told him that time and space away from me might help him think. As much as it hurts me, it might be what he needs.. and it’s a decision that I’m also a part of because it allows me to think too.
we agreed to some ground rules like no contact, and no talking, texting or seeing other people. I’ll be gone for a month to my home country (the timing also wasn’t the best because I’m leaving in a few days), so after I’m back we can reassess. We have a set date to talk about everything. I’m anxious, hurt and overwhelmed because I feel like throwing away 4 1/2 years of happiness together all of a sudden doesn’t sit right with me.. I wish he could have talked to me about how he was feeling instead of letting it build up and settling with breaking up as the conclusion. I love and care about him so much, but I know that I should prepare for the worst and hope for the best. it will suck not talking to him while I’m in my home country, I have so many things I wanna show him but this might be what he needs… how do I deal with this? could he come back to me potentially? I don’t really know how to feel at the moment because sometimes i’d just randomly break down and start crying, I also don’t wanna ruin the holiday for my family so I’m trying to stay positive.
any advice is appreciated <3
