Bottling up
I've been with my wife for almost twenty years now and we have had a good strong relationship pretty much the whole time until recently. Lately I've run into a problem of keeping things to myself, not any damming secrets or anything condemning. But the everyday details of what goes on in my life I just don't feel the need to share right now because they are so mundane and repetitive. Yet she she loves hearing me talk about them anyway so I have to sit there and practically crowbar it out myself. Anyone else dealing with this or something similar? Any advice would be much appreciated as this is causing no small amount of tension for us
@Feelit87 I wonder if you are also interested in the details of your wife's life? I believe she loves you very much, and I believe you know this. To be honest, I would also like my partner to share every detail of his life with me. I think it's not just me, but most women. Because women always want to participate more in your life without her. They want to know what you do when you are alone or with others. This may indeed make people feel a little irritated, but she is your wife, you love each other very much, don't you. I think she will be very happy if you take a photo of her when you go out to the supermarket.
That is a big issue we run into is that I'm not all that interested in constant communication. Not that I dont love her and love talking to her but just the day day stuff that doesn't change hardly ever I dont feel needs to be stated. And I do try to interact with her in every other I can think of. Like you said, snapping a quick photo of her can mean a lot and be a good way to add some fun to something as monotonous as grocery shopping.
@Feelit87
Hello.... I am from the other side of this .....
My spouse use to share his day and we would speak of the little things boring things ..... Then he decided it was boring to him ......so why would it be any interest to me .... it snowballs...
so we both decided to keep to ourselves i was not sharing my boring work day either out of spite ......but what seemed mundane starts being more ... silent dinners talking about the dog and then someone starts talking to a friend who finds them fun wants to hear about mundane. Pretending TV was so great to avoid awkward conversations.
Maybe a small boring item that could be a symptom or clue of a bigger problem ..... my spouse was suffering from sleep apnea and was pounding coffee to stay awake at work .......... maybe i would have nagged him to get the treatment he needed before he had a serious health incident. sometimes it is the little things....
@Feelit87,
it's not the details, it's not what you experience as repetitive. It's the talking that matters to her. It's quality time to her, it's togetherness to her.
Having said that, maybe you are a bit bored with life. How about doing things a bit different? Something simple, like going for a walk, prepare a picnic basket and invite her for a picnic at the park?
We overthink a lot. It's the sim1p1le things that matter.
@dukeofdearham.
Thats a good point, its the i traction that matters more than what is actually being said. Easy to lose sight of that.
We have started doing things a little differently. One big change is that we both engage with eachothers hobbies more now so that has helped alot with quality time that has been lost due work and other obligations.
@Feelit87,
that's a great idea!
Remember, any relationship requires continuous work and maintenance. And we might have different perceptions and views and that's ok, actually in my experience it keeps things healthy. As long as we embrace our differences, understand and talk and listen.
@Feelit87
I hear you—it can be challenging when you feel like you're struggling to share the everyday details of your life with your partner, especially when those details feel mundane or repetitive. It's understandable that you might not always see the significance in sharing these things, but your wife values hearing about them as a way to stay connected and involved in your life.
One approach that might help is to find a balance between sharing everything and selectively choosing moments or details that you think she would genuinely appreciate or find interesting.
Additionally, consider setting aside dedicated times to catch up and share updates, rather than feeling pressured to do so spontaneously. This can help create a space where sharing feels more natural and less forced.
Communication is key in any relationship, so expressing your thoughts and feelings openly and respectfully can go a long way toward finding a solution that works for both of you. Remember, it's okay to have different preferences in communication styles, and finding a compromise that respects both of your needs is important.
Wishing you both the best in navigating this situation.