Anyone have success having a healthy relationship with a narcissist ?
@Tommy1971,
is this about your partner, as you wrote in another post you suspect she's a narcissist?
Having said that, there's a difference between being a narcissist and showing narcissistic behavior.
Behaving narcissistic can be due to old trauma, past experiences, revived by your own behavior (that doesn't mean you want you hurt your partner on purpose yet your behavior is hurtful to her or him and causes withdrawal and/or narcissistic behavior).
My ex wife showed similar behavior. Always being right, not able to admit her mistakes. It's a survival mechanism. It's hard to deal with, for both, especially when damage was done in the current relationship. Often it goes beyond a point of no return. A partner might truly love you, and vice versa, yet a rift was created that might be too big. It's like old memories, past being relived and projected on the other. Like "this has happened before, I know it's not who you are, I know you know that too but I'm fearful all of this happens again and again. Like "I know deep inside I can trust you, I want to but I can't ".
You cannot start with a clean slate, especially not when one or both of you didn't enter the relationship with a clean slate, but, if the love is there, you can both try to let it be and clean up your slates a bit.
Relationship therapy might help, even if it is only to figure out where both of you stand at. To create clarity.
All sounds about right. There’s a lot of gaslighting that made me feel like I was the narcissist, but I heard if you were wondering if you are one, you’re probably not. I figure if I asked her this question, she would flip out.
I am aware it’s all trauma related, I have the same tendencies at my worst, I think most people can.
I like to hope that anyone can change with awareness and doing the work. I’m just trying to keep the perspective of bettering myself, if she wants to follow, great, if not, I will also be OK.
@Tommy1971,
rather then asking, express how you feel. And if both of you want to (re)connect, whatever the outcome, get help from a relationship therapist. One you both trust. One that helps to express feelings, to see if it creates mutual understanding without going into blaming and judging.
If you want to change, and you're aware of behavior that doesn't help, you can. I used to get angry. Nothing wrong with anger, but I'd express it immediately. I worked hard on it and I am changed. No more anger bouts. Unfortunately, too late to save our marriage. Also because my wife (still call her my wife) simply cannot change. Too much wounds from the past.
