What are your guy's opinion on this?
So I met this guy on the internet 8 months ago, we connected right away and dated after a week. He's in Ireland while I'm in Taiwan. 7/8 hour time difference. We dated for 7 months, of course there were ups and downs, but we managed to get through that. We both are very open with each other, sending pictures and vidoes to each other etc.
However a month ago, he wanted to just be friends because he isnt happy in the relationship, but he still loves me and wants to be with me, and all those times that he was with me is just because of the reason "he loves me" and does not want to hurt me.
He wanted to be friends with me now, but at the same time he cant let me go and I cant let him go, we are each other's first real love that we've actually felt, so we both decided to still have contact with each other. However we did make up these "rules" that we have to follow.
1. No sexual acitivies with other people
2. If we're seeing anyone or anything happened, we have to tell each other
3. We have to at least talk to each other 3 times a week.
We both agreed on these terms and have been following them perfectly so far, we however did mention to each other that we both are pretty impossible to just find someone else when we are both still clearly in love.
It's been a month now since the break up, we talk almost every single day, we sometimes even skype for hours. He does as well indirectly tells me he loves me etc for example he says "I love coleslaw more than you.. im kidding" or he calls my mom "mother in law" or when i say "i love you" to my sister, he says "i love you too" but to me since he knew I was wearing headphones.
I told all my close friends about this, some understand, some think he just doesn't want the responsibility. What do you people think?
@bubblingHero97 online relationships are easy to get into, but hard to maintian. :\'
it gets especially complicated as uuuuusually you're going to eventually want to meet, huh?
which, like, is terribly far and expensive in your case so requires a lot of planning of not only that but of your lives in general and.
it can get overwhelming very quickly.
it takes terribly devoted people to actually succeed in relationships, but even more so when you're so far apart. it's simply too complicated and unfulfilling for some people to have someone always there for you but never there. :(
idk. there's nothing wrong with being in love and not together, but these rules will lead to heartbreak if/when they are broken unless you learn to love each other as friends.
as an aside, we're trying to include more details in the subject line in the relationship forums, specifically age, gender and relationship duration, if possible. so this could be "(17F) online relationship help with boyfriend (18M) of 7 months" or w/e (making up ages for you). for next time. <3
@bunnypants
I know that this post has been up for quite a while now, but I just wanted to tell you that aye, we did meet up, dated for a month and everything went kinda pretty messed up. I was supposedly gonna stay there for 2 months, but things were pretty bad to a point that I left a month early.
But through him, I learned tons of things and I have became stronger as a perosn.
@bubblingHero97
The valuable part of the experience is the lessons learned and becoming stronger. Dating long distance is quite special and requires a lot of patience, time, energy, and is very different (obviously) than in-person dating. There are some people who manage to pull those relationships together, meet up regularly (when it's cost-effective), and make it work - but, those situations are not as common as those situations where two people meet on the internet or an app and try to make things work long distance where several key parts of the connection aren't functioning properly and as you discovered there were value mismatches and personality conflicts. The good news is that you recognized it during your attempted two-month stay with him and you made the decision you needed to make. I often see other couples try to force it and that never works out well.
Now with these lessons you learned, how will this change the way you date moving forward?
@bubblingHero97
I was in a five year online relationship and let me tell you, it is very hard to maintain. Between the areas of their life that your partner only wants you to see, to different maturity levels, it usually ends in failure. My ldr ended up in hurt and betrayal, even after knowing him for seven years. Some people find success in online dating but sadly, most end up being hurt. The cost of travelling and emotional struggles is too much for many. Sometimes, you dont even know that the relationship is drifting apart, before its too late. I see that you are a teen, you will have a lifetime of finding someone in your own area, without the difficulty of distance. If you and him decided to take a break, I would suggest continuing a friendship from here onwards. Perhaps after you've established an independent life and know what you want, he could be a part of it in a romantic way. This way, you can get to know him as a friend and there is less pressure.
At the very least, you'll have a friend who cares for you. If not, you'll probably just drift apart, which is sometimes an inevitable part of life.
