Wanting to end a kind of "toxic" friendship/ramblings about friendship
So this friend, I used to consider him to be my best friend, is also my cousin and I want to end this friendship ASAP.
He is a jerk for one, he uses me, treats me/almost everyone bad, he has very little consideration for anyone other than himself. We have been friends our whole lives pretty much, we would be really close, then really distant, then close again, so on and so forth. We used to be good friends to eachother, until I realized how much of an a**hole he really is. I started to put more distance between us, and if I didn't have to take him to school on saturdays (different story) then I would'nt even have him in my life anymore. I love him because he's family, and yes cutting off this friendship is going to be hard, espescially since he is pretty much my only friend, but it needs to happen. As soon as he graduates, which will be in five or six months, I think that'll be the end of it honestly.
I don't know how to explain what he does and how he acts, it frustrates me so much. This friendship practically follows the points for being a "toxic" friendship. I wish I could explain the way he acts and all that, so it'd be easier for others to understand, but I don't know how.
I guess I technically have like 2 friends, my cousin (the one this is about), and my roomate/boss (I nanny my roomates kids, so she is techniaclly my boss as well). That's it, once I drop this friendship i'll have 1 friend, and then when this job ends, i'll probably have none. Sometimes I feel as though I can go my whole life without friends, and then sometimes I feel like I need a lot of friends. I accept that I don't really have friends, i'm a loner anyway, but as I said sometimes I feel that I need friends, because besides family, I don't really have anyone to do things with and having social anxiety it'd be nice to have some people who understand that and would go places with me, like stores, and out to lunch and all that type of stuff. It'd also be nice if I wasn't the only one with money so I wouldn't be paying for the all the things that we do, it could be split, or traded off. like this time i'll pay, and then next time you pay. (my roomate has a job so she pays if we do something together, but that isn't often). Anyway, I don't know where i'm going with this.. So I guess that's it.
I hope everyone is having a good day :)
@MerciIsScreaming Hello! I'm sorry to hear that your friendship with your cousin is in turmoil. It sounds like your cousin can be hard to handle at times and I know that can be very emotionally draining. You said that he acts like "an asshole", do you know why he may be acting like this? Have you told him about how you feel? I'm wondering if talking to him would help, at the very least you would get some closure and know that you tried your best to continue the friendship. It sounds like from your post, you have nothing to lose with trying to work it out one last time. If it doesn't work out then, it sounds like it's best to move on and find friends that will treat you with respect and kindness.
I really hope that whatever happens, that you find peace and happiness soon! Good luck! 
@MerciIsScreaming I admire your courage in making this difficult decision. I was once in a position where I had to let someone go that I deeply cared for because it was a very toxic relationship. It was one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make but after the hurt lessened, I grew a lot from the experience. Best of luck to you and if you need someone to listen to you 1-1, do not hesitate to contact me. 
