In need of advice (suddenly cut off by a friend)

@RiseLikePhoenix

Hey dear one!

It's pretty tough to face something like that, for sure. No matter how bad someone feels, what troubles they have, it's never alright to cut someone off so suddenly without giving them the opportunity to support you. Especially in such a close friendship you seemed to have. I've dealt with something like that too and it was really hard to deal with it. There is really no standard way to resolve it or cope with it. All friendships have their unique things and because we are all so different it can't be something to say or do that will apply in all situations.

All I can tell you is ... give it time. To your friendship. It may be possible your friend made it seem like there is no place for anything anymore between you two, they may have hurt you really bad but ... hey, we're all humans. We make mistakes. We hurt those close to us even when we don't want to. They may come back to you and apologize. It may be possible that anything you may do right now will not come accros to them as good at all. So just lay low, take care of yourself. Give yourself the opportunity to be good in this period. There is more in life than just other people. Especially as you said you are dealing with some things too. Just let time make a better move. Hope everything will turn out alright!

@cristiana33 thank you.

I'm trying to live normally despite of the fact that this issue is tormenting me in the back of my head. I feel like I miss a piece of puzzle in my life. I'll try to think that maybe they will realise that they miss me as well, but I'm also aware that it may never happen. Too bad that I had already experiences like that in my life. Maybe the time will at least make me more used to the lack of this person.

@RiseLikePhoenix I recently cut one of my best friends from my life. I've known her almost my whole life, but I moved away from her and our hometown a few years ago for school and then work. Honestly, my cutting her out had nothing to do with her personally. It was more that we're growing in opposite directions. I had unfollowed her on Facebook because I didn't want to go all the way to defriending, but she tagged me in posts a lot and it was bothering me. Most of the posts had to do with old inside jokes (sometimes years old) that I don't really laugh at anymore. I don't remember the last time we had a real conversation about what's going on in our lives now. I didn't inititate contact with her much, and the only times she contacted me were to say more things from the past. I don't really want to remember the past. In hindsight, maybe talking to her and telling her this would have been better, but I still feel like maybe she wouldn't have understood and it would have caused more upset than quietly defriending and moving on.

It's difficult to give advice on how to cope with this emotionally - try reading this article from Psych Central. "Take nothing personally" is like a mantra of mine now and it has worked wonders for me. :)

I want to also add, that this decision to cut my friend out is by no means permanent. I am open and would allow her back into my life if I felt we had something beneficial to contribute in our relationship, something of substance. But at this time, I just feel that we don't and that's okay. No need to force it or make anyone feel bad. So hopefully seeing the other perspective can make you feel a bit better, and help you to realize that this is no shortcoming on your part. <3

@CompassionateGirl90

Thank you for sharing with us the other side of the coin. It's always interesting to learn about new perspectives.

@CompassionateGirl90, thank you for sharing your story and special thanks for the link.

The article made me think that this person is probably having trouble with coping with own emotions and isn't even aware (or pushes these thoughts away)that their actions can be so hurtful. And its not like they are sitting and plotting against my well being. I'm rather an empathic person, so I usually ask myself a lot of questions about how my actions affect other people's feelings and how to explain things to them, or take their comfort into consideration, but I think that it's not like everyone else does... And maybe it doesn't necessarily mean bad intentions, just different way of operating. At least I'd like to believe it's true.

@RiseLikePhoenix

You have come to the right place. I started on 7cups soon after my friend pulled the same thing, and I have found help here.

I went through the same thing a month ago, and am still going through it. The most frustrating thing about it was the refusal to talk about any part of the situation. She refused to even talk (text) with me, and would not even listen to what I wanted to talk about before refusing me. To start, you have to accept that fact that it was not your fault.

I'm still grasping at straws as I try to get a grip on things. A few days ago I wrote a letter to my "friend" and went through everything that she did to hurt me over the past month (beginning to end) I intended to send it to her, but found a better use for it. Since the letter pretty much included every thought and bad memory of her, I decided to return all of these thoughts that I no longer wanted, to their source (her). I still work with her and she can still be somewhat friendly at times. So today I gave her the letter and told her it was thoughts and things I no longer wanted and that she could read it, throw it out, or destroy it; it doesn't matter to me. I feel a little bit better now, but so far, it hasn't provided the healing I was expecting. I am trying to keep the communication options open in the hope that she will one day explain herself.

@tryingnottobeahermit thanks for sharing your experiences. I'm sorry you have to go through this. I hope that in the end you will feel relieved and a bit healed...

The idea of a letter sounds good. I could try this but I would just keep it to myself. I feel that writing it to this particular person would be pointless . we talk very rarely now,I think that I could have more heartwarming conversation with a stranger than with him...

@RiseLikePhoenix

Well, its a few days later now, and I feel a lot better to not have (most of) those thoughts bouncing around in my head. Handing over those thoughts seems to have worked for the most part. Have no idea if she read that letter or just tossed it, and it really does not matter.

I really hope you will be able to find some closure with the loss of your friend. There's not much I can tell you that will help. Just need to keep moving on and the hurt will fade with time.

I leave you with a thought that may help reduce your hurt, but is not to be depended on for long.

"Do everything with a good heart and expect nothing in return and you will never be disappointed."

@tryingnottobeahermit, thank you for the quote :) It seems so true, though it's probably good to keep balance and not give too much to people who don't even register that. For some , apparently, what has been built between two people over time with kindness doesn't form anything worth treasuring. Maybe because they are self-centered or maybe because they just don't see that much there,maybe they don't know how.

It's great that you are feeling better, I hope it's a start of a more permanent feeling better :)