I don't feel like I can trust them anymore
Hi.
So I have this group of friends and we met in high school and we've been friends ever since which is about 6 years. We always got along and everything but lately I feel like I can't trust them anymore. I feel like they hide a lot of things from me, that they talk behind my back or when we go out for a cup of coffee they always give each other "the look" when I say some thing and they just start texting each other and we're at the same table so I know it's about me...
The thing is that when I'm with one friend at the time it's okay but if there's three of us or more I don't feel good anymore, I feel really uncomfortable and anxious. And those same two friends talk bad about each other when the other person isn't around or tell the secrets which I'd say she didn't want anyone else to know and it honestly really annoys me. We're 21 years old, they should stop acting like 12 years old girls... So I honestly don't know if I can trust them anymore because I feel like every single thing I'll tell to one person...that everyone will know. Because things I'd talk about I'd want only one person, maybe two to know. That's why I never talked to them about depression or anxiety or panic attacks.
And the other thing is that I have a cousin with which I get along really well and I went out with her friends...I felt better with them (I'm a introvert. actually I have ISTP personality type, and I'm really shy and don't talk a lot) and got along with them better. talked more that I usually do than I did with those friends which I've known for years...
I really don't know what to do... I don't know if I should try to fix it or leave them behind. But I don't know if that's a good idea either since I don't have many friends at all...
Dear Anitaa,
Can understand. Infact , i can understand this situation more than most others. Cauz i was a high end introvert who turned into an extrovert through college transformation.believe it or not, there are a lot of solitions fr ur prblm. The only thing you need is the willingness to be flexible.. And I'll tell you what all to do :)
@Beautyoflife239 thanks for the reply. And I'd really appreciate if you'd gimme advice on this. Maybe we can talk on chat?
Made a mistake in ur username @Beautyoflife2391
What's even worse..I am 72 (Ha Ha) and that stuff still goes on...I have a friend..who at this point..we are not on speaking terms...cause she always tells me my companion is no good...doen't love me...age doen't seem to matter..on nasty friendships!
Another friend cut me off after I was chatting in a store with the staff..when I came out this so-called friend accused me of selling cocaine to the shop people. None of us even smoke cigarettes..having stopped over 40 years ago! Drinking is at a miniumum..I belong to WeightWatchers and a drink is 4 points! She got me so mad..I told her to "shut the f-k up! End of friendship!
Yeah..suddenly I have found myself with fewer friends than ever...this incident escalated as another so-called friend has added fuel to the fire from this incident and bumped out two more friends who don't bother with me. Mind you I have driven them for colonoscopies (ha! ha!-old age related problems) ..all sorts of help and now puff..I am out!
Mind you I go to a fun painting class..with a nice group of woman and have a monthly luncheon with people who worked with me for many years...I arrange the luncheons and call the participants. So I am social..but being snubbed and wrongly accused really hurts..oh well!
I have a similar situation, tormented with the thought between choosing to stay or leave the relationship. the friendship was once fun and healthy and that i care about them to some extent, on the other side i'm not happy with the way things are now and the respect, which i believe is important in maintaining a healthy relationship, had become too weak and fickle. It was easier to leave the relationship than to stay and watch myself shift into some other personality that i don't wanna to be. It's pushing me out of my comfort zone.
That was few months ago.
Frankly, i don't know what to do either, there are times that i want to abandon everything. i wish i'm sure enough to say i'm happy with the consequences of my choices, it's too early to tell, but i believe the friendship is getting better. I'm 19, still young, i think these experiences, good or bad, are necessary like a prerequisite course to the real world. I'm continuously learning through my experiences, i learned to be a little assertive in certain situations. I guess, i just want to say that you are not alone.
We're all a little damage, some just have it worst. I thought no matter where i go, i will meet people who's different from me, and i have to make it work somehow. I have been abandoned, i had done the abandoning, that's just life.