Feeling done with lasting friendships

@MoonMirrorPromise - I cant say I am in the same boat but I can understand what you are dealing with and thats really hard. Especially because people can manipulate you and you dont realize its happening. I think our brains obsess about the good or bad that we want to see and so we ignore the good or bad that actually exists. I wish I could see your message as I reply within the app but anyway I dont think you should give up but I also think you have to look at yourself and see how you came to find the narcissist friend and what part of you she was feeding into and what you might learn from that relationship to avoid falling into that trap again with other people and find someone who genuinely just likes you for you. I say that as someone who struggles with codependency issues and codependent people gravitate towards narcissists. Codependents constantly try to please and narcissists constantly demand attention.

@DesultoryTh0ught Thank you for the response! I think you're right about the obsessing over even the good/bad in people and situations. I think from my hometown friends pulling away, even the ones I thought were "good"- I realized that... it's not that they were "bad" people, but they were sub-par friends... they rarely reached out to me even when we lived in the same city, and they often forgot about me which resulted in me being excluded from a lot of gatherings. Since it was always them compared to this reeeally hurtful and selfish friend, I guess they seemed soooo wonderful... but yeah. My new friends are more sincere, available, and attentive then anyone from my hometown ever was... I think that's what I've had to accept. That maybe those friendships weren't honestly that great to begin with.

Also, thank you for sharing the advice about how codependent people are drawn to narcissists, I do think about that often. I only recently realized that I was the codependent who fed into her callous selfish and egotistical behavior, and she gaslit me into thinking I was the burden for her, since she had to "put up with me" essentially. Blegh. I'm very sensistive to the red flags of people like that now, so I think for now I'll be ok in avoiding another person like that in the future though. I'll just stay vigilant. Thank you!

@MoonMirrorPromise I feel you on so many levels. My best friend used to do that too when we were younger, luckily in high school we weren't on the same class anymore so I was able do develop my own true personality. I think you should work on how you were back in that days and how far you have come now, you should use that awful experience so you can improve and be happier.
For the other friends; being far away is super challenging, you have to make time for them but I advice you to be careful, if you are the only one that is doing everything to keep the friendship alive you should reconsider them. I've known this girl for almost eleven years now and we live two hours and a half away from each other, but we always manage to keep talking and hanging out when we can. But we both worked hard for it, so please be careful.
I'm sure you will eventually find a good group of friends that will respect you and care about you, don't stop trying, just don't waste your time and your amazingness on people that won't do the same for you. All relationships are meant to be both ways.

@itssnowinginmarch All your advice is super kind and validating, thank you!! I actually have started to employ a lot of that way of thinking: realizing how much I put in and how much other people put into relationships. I realized that a ton of those people never really put in their fair share of effort, even when we lived in the same city. So I really take this to heart and am more careful now with who I put my time and effort into staying in contact with.

It's really interesting, thinking about me from then and me now. It's interesting because I actually feel more like I made a full circle, like returning to who I really am and really was before someone convinced me I was something else- someone powerless, useless, and unwanted. It's like rediscovering myself and I'm just so glad I'm free now.