Does anyone else feel like they're competing with their friends?

Hey @EmilyEarwig!

​We all live in a world of competition. It seems as soon as the new student joined school you have stopped participating in events and you feel that she is better than you. You have lost faith in yourself because others feel the same.

I would like to share something hat my uncle once told me about copy cats or people who you feel are better than you. He said that no matter how good someone gets at copying you , then can never be you. The original piece is unique while the replica is not. As for the competition, it means you have to find your edge. There is something that makes you unique find that for yourself.

Most people look towards others for appreciation . And it is true if your friends , family don't acknowledge the achievement would feel less. Ask yourself..what keeps you going? when you made your first painting, I am sure no one had praised before that. Yet you were motivated to draw and paint. Find that motivation again. Find that edge.

If you wish succeed because you have to prove yourself..it will be good but it will also bring a lot of stress. Because there is always going to be someone better. Instead, find that unique quality in you , the one no one else can master. I hope this helps :)

Hello, @apple74 Thanks for replying. :) I'm going to try and find what motivated me to do it when I was a kid. It's really hard to keep in mind not to compare myself to othersand to consistently feel motivated like before.

I'm a writer and have felt the same among friends and classmates. I think in general comparison makes things.hard on yourself. Always remember that you will have your own style and your own developmental journey.

@baddiehl Thanks. :)Yes, I try to think about that. But it's hard to do...

Hi @EmilyEarwig!

That sounds like a pretty rough patch you're going through. Hang in there! Sorry to hear you aren't feeling too great about yourself. I think we all have those moments - you are not alone!

I really like what @apple74 and @baddiehl said about comparison. It's very easy to compare ourselves to others - we are after all, social creatures. We live in this society and have friends, family, people around us. It's a human thing to compare and contrast. It makes us strive to become better. Seeing what others have helps usimagine what we can achieve. So I think comparison in itself isn't a bad thing - it's howwe let the comparison affect our lives that requiresdiscipline and our healthy perspective.

Your art work is yours and yours alone. You are an artist - as long asyou keep creating, making, doing, seeing - this fact isregardless of what others say. Sure, all artists, actors, musicians, professionals, anyone doingcreativework - need recognition. Recognition is nice because it rewards the talent and all the hard work you put into your art. But it's not always guaranteed! Sometimes work is recognized, sometimes it's not. I thinkartists, in order to keep their spirits up, must believe in the art they create, and just keep doing what they love, creating beauty in their own eyes. That alonemakes them an artist. And if the world also recognizes their work as beautiful, then that's a plus.

I used to look at people's facebook profiles and feel a lot of envy. For the things I didn't have and they had, for the excitinglives they seemed to live on social media. But I realized thatfor one, the photos themselvesdon't mean that the people are necessarily happy - it's easy to create an image of happiness online. I know because other people tell me they were envious of my life because of the snazzyfiltered photos, when inside I was feelingpretty crummy.The truth of what people are feeling inside could be very different. And for two, there's enough happiness and love to go around for everyone. Just because they are happy and successful, it doesn't mean that it takes away from my happiness or my success.

For me, learning to be happy for other people's successes is a continuing learning journey, and I believe, one that makes me a more content and mature person. It's not intuitive nor is it always easy, but I think it's essential to my personal growth.

Now, on a separate note,if someone is blatantly copying your art work, that's a different story! There are copyright laws around that and if it's a very serious case, like it happened many times, over a period of time, orinvolveda significant monetary sum, there's the option totake legal action.

Hope this helps! You are an ARTIST! Don't give up

@Procrastinot What you said about happiness is true. I kept thinking that just because she's successful, doesn't mean I can't be too... I think it's hard to believe in myself / my art when there have been a ton of people who have told me how weird, awkward, etc. I am growing up. And I thought that maybe they were right.It's the one thing I have a really really hard time doing...I scheduled an appointment with a counselor because this has been going on for awhile and it's getting in the way of things.I think I need help.

And no, no one copied my artwork, but thank you for the helpful information. :)

very glad to hear @EmilyEarwig! hope all goes well with the counselor - you're very brave to reach out!

No problem - just a thought regarding the copying, glad it didn't happen!

The counselingfee, it turns out, is quite expensive and it'd make me feel bad for borrowing money from my parents before I get a job so maybe I'll try to battle my feelings of uncertainty by myself first. I don't know what else to do.I really don't know how I can do this by myself. I'll keep posting here maybe.

Jealousy is a combination of hatred and fear.The thing isthereis always going to be someone better than you,so it's pointless to feel envious.If you love your work thensomeoneelseshouldn't comebetween that connection, andif people say your artisn't good enough doesn't mean it's true (beauty in the eye of the beholder).

So this girl showed up and stole your thunder, but thebenefit ofcompetition is that it makes usstrive to improveourselves.If you stay commited you may get your recognizition again.

I'm sorry that you feel that way.

I've had similar things with one friend in particular of mine. We didn't used to be friends and we didn't get on - or at least I didn't like him to much. We were pretty competitive about school as we were both contending with each other for top of the class in most things. He was competitive by nature and I just wanted to prove myself to others. I'd always been compared to others or my over-achieving older brother by my parents so I just wanted to be recognised for once.

It didn't help that certain teachers fuelled the competition by having a wall of fame of who school the most on the most recent test. Or when they publically announced that he did the best and he got 100% and how great that was. That just made me feel like I was worthless again. But I kept trying.

I guess throughout this, people began to recogniseme for being good at school but I was never the first they'd ask if they needed quick help. It was always someone else. I wasn't ever praised for getting the best score for anything either - it was usually only "Best score out of all the girls", coming behind the same few boys. In a way that made it worse, as if I shouldn't even be on the same playing field as them.

Anyway, so eventually, I got to know this guy in my class better and we became friends and the competition became more friendly. It made me feel loads better because now even if the teachers didn't acknowledge me, he did and would tell me how well he thought I did.If someone asked him a question and he knew I could answer it better or if he didn't know the answer but he knew I did he would say to them he didn't know but point out to them that I did and I could help.

Then I don't know what it was, perhaps it was because we became such good friends he forget where the line of friendly banter ends and where hurtful comments start. Our competitiveness never really stopped, but it became more friendly and we'd laugh over it and use it to motivate one another. But then it got to a point when he started saying things like "I'm soooomuch cleverer than you" or "wow, I didn't know you were that stupid". He stopped complimenting as much as he used to because he said I was big-headed enough already.

He didn't even know how this made me feel. I cried over some comments he made and he never knew. I know he didn't mean to be horrible but that's just the way things turned out. We're still friends but nowadays I try to avoid the competition and that whole subject.

I know how rubbish it can feel to be reminded how you are apparently so bad at something. I know how it feels to seem overlooked or over shadowed by someone else - especially by a friend ( due to the way things are, most of my friends are the top scorers in the year).

To me, it feels like a massive weight on my chest telling me I have to do better.

One thing I learned from my experience is that while it seems that other people are on the pedestaland seem better than you, you never know but they might be putting you on that pedestal too.

Remember that you can be just as great as how you think your friends are. YOU are amazing and are just as great and capable as everyone else. Don't let others get you down or put you off doing what you enjoy. If they can't see how great you are then they aren't worth the effort in trying to better them. YOU are brilliant.

Sorry this was sooooooolong but I felt like I needed to say a lot as the topic was really close to me.

Hello! Wow, thanks for taking the time to type that out! It makes me feel better to know that I am not alone. It's still really hard to not feel insecure and stuff. It's been especially bad the past few days after graduation because I'm like, "what now?" Anyway, thanks for sharing your experience. It's a big help.

I always feel as if I've been competing against my friends, I thought I was good at art but then I met my friend and she's also awesome at art and this makes me feel self conscious as she's so much better.. I always try to one-up my friend - whenever they do something good I feel as if I need to do something better for either on the day or the next day. So there's many people out there who understand your issue :)

Yeah, I don't like feeling like I have to compete so I'm trying to just leave things as it is without having to prove anything to anyone.