Continue or give up?
So I am in a yo-yo friendship with my best friend.
I am 26 male - she is 32 female.
We used to work together and we became friends slowly over the last 2 years but she was fired 1 year ago - but we kept in touch.
To put it simply no one in my life makes me so happy and so sad as she does.
I have almost given up on our friendship many times but she always manages to change my mind by doing or saying the right thing.
Also I love her so my heart won't let me give up so easily - a blessing and a curse sometimes.
We live one hour apart driving and I tend to only see her face to face 3-4 times a year.
So far I haven't seen her for 4 months. She keeps making excuses not being able to see me then goes out with other friends or herself without mentioning to me - I only discover after the fact when she posts pictures.
She is busy with her business which I understand but I feel she is hiding things from me.
I just feel sad as she says we are best friends but she doesn't really treat be like one - like ignoring my messages and replying after days and making excuses to not meet me - it is really frustrating.
I have talked to her about my sadness and how I don't feel she is treating me like a friend should - she says sorry changes then goes back to the same way after a few weeks.
I don't know if she is just saying we are best friends because we are or she is just keeping me in her life as she knows I love her and treat her better then any other guy - her words not mine.
She did say however that I will have a special place on her heart and mind always.
She also mentioned once that she would have married me if she was my age but as she isn't a relationship is not possible - I am still the same person so I don't get that comment.
If I could find another female friend who actually cares more about me she replies faster to messages I would leave her - but the problem is I can't find anyone so I am staying friends with her for the sake of it - better to have someone then no one.
Finally I find a girl that notices me (her) and still I cannot be fully happy - am I being unrealistic to expect this from my friend?
That is a really complicated situation. You said you love her. Do you love her as a friend, or do you have romantics feeling for her too? Also, I think it might be a good idea to really think about why you're still friends with her. Is it just convenience? Or are you hoping for something more? You said you'd abandon her if you found someone else. I don't think a healthy friendship works like that, to be quite honest. Can you imagine your life without her? Are there things you might be able to do that your feelings and expectations of her don't allow you now? I hope you'll find some solution soon. Good luck :)
"You said you love her. Do you love her as a friend, or do you have romantics feeling for her too?"
I have deep romantic feelings for her - more then anyone else in my life.
"Also, I think it might be a good idea to really think about why you're still friends with her. Is it just convenience? Or are you hoping for something more?"
It is a mixture of convenience and wanting more - she means the world to me and as I have been ignored by other females I hold on to her.
"You said you'd abandon her if you found someone else. I don't think a healthy friendship works like that, to be quite honest. Can you imagine your life without her?"
I cannot imagine life without her - the thought of it makes me sad inside & my heart ache.
"Are there things you might be able to do that your feelings and expectations of her don't allow you now?"
I am truly unsure to be honest.
Thank you for your hopes and wishes.
Thank you for answering such personal questions! I can't imagine what it must be like going through this. You can contact any of the listeners here if you'd like to talk about the situation more, as I'm sure you know :) I really do hope for a positive outcome for you, whatever it may be. Take care.
I say end it. She's made excuses and that to me tells she's avoiding you. Another thing I relate to is the whole being "busy" thing. They tell you they too busy to see you, but they find the time for their other friends. Really, you deserve better than to have someone in your life who, to me, clearly shows a blatant lack of consideration for your feelings.
From what you describe about how you feel about her, yes it will be hard to end this friendship. But it takes time to develop the hindsight to see that moving on was the best thing to do.
I must add before I end it - I need a back up person (which I do not have)
And there's nothing wrong with needing a back-up person. Do you have anyone in mind? Maybe try gradually pulling away from this existing "friend" while you find a back-up. I hope you will let this back-up friend become a real friend, and not like the so-called rebound of the dating scene.
