Am I the toxic friend?
I recently got into a fight with one of my closest friends, Raven, and she had one of her other friends come and talk to me about it because she was so upset over it. What I had said, I regret and it was mostly just me wording my thoughts wrong. Anyways, when Raven's friend, Freedom, came to me to tell me how I was making her feel Freedom mentioned how I was a toxic friend. She also added that people who are toxic usually don't know it, so that got me thinking. Am I actually the toxic friend here? That's when I decided to seek help. I had no clue that I was being a toxic friend and I wanted to change that so that I at least knew when I was being toxic so that I could stop myself.
As for the things that I said. I tend to not have a filter when I talk. I can go on and on about whatever topic you give me as long as I either know about that topic or I have an opinion about it. Some of the things that I would talk about is murder and cannibalism. Which are morally wrong in so many ways, but if you think about how that would help in terms of overpopulation and world hunger, they could solve that. The thing that we got into an argument about was whether incest was okay. Now, I know a lot of people are going to go "But it is bad!" or "I would never want to do the do with a relative!" I understand that, and I wouldn't either. But we were talking about fictional characters who are brothers. Some of the points that Freedom made were that parents force their kids to get married and that if it's gay that it can be an uncle and nephew or an aunt and niece. I'm aware of that, but that's where my points of that if it's a blood relation, it shouldn't be a straight couple because of the genetic deformities that a child produced by the two would have unless there is a sperm donation or something like that. Another point that I made was that if the couple should be within five years apart or less for age reasons.
I got sidetracked, sorry. Anyways, would I be the toxic friend for not watching my mouth even though I put trigger warnings on things for the people who don't like the things I talk about? Or are Raven and Freedom just overreacting to what I do? Because neither of them ever asked me to stop, they just told me that what I was doing is wrong. Freedom yelled at me over text, and Raven blocked me without talking things through with me. And my friend, Royal, even has a problem with Raven and their therapist told them that Raven was the toxic friend. So, as much as I want to believe Royal's therapist, I also want to believe Freedom because people are naturally harder on themselves than most people are on them.
So, to bring us back to the main question. Am I the toxic friend or is my friend the toxic one?
@LogyBear
What does toxic mean to you? Is it more than ‘running your mouth? Maybe recognize what kind of friend you DO want to be and focus on cultivation those traits? If the answer were as simple as a yes/no, how would you react? Would you want to change something about yourself?
Cause you cant control others actions. ❤️
@BumblebeeHeart
Well, toxic to me would be abusive and/or manipulative. As Freedom put it, I'd do something then cry about it when I get confronted so that people feel bad about it. Sure, I'll say things and then get confronted about them sometimes, but I'd apologize and try explaining myself. Maybe I'll cry, but it's online and no one knows that I'm physically crying. I don't go looking for trouble when I say things, I just tend to always say what I think without actually thinking about what I'm saying had how it would affect people that see it. Most of the time I'll post something and realize that it's not something that people would agree with, so I'll delete it to save myself and others from fighting over an opinion.
Raven said that she can't be friends with me because of all this, and I really look up to her as a friend and as a writer. And I was stupid enough to try and get her back as a friend without giving any time. So now I'm just trying to change myself so that she'll want to be friends with me again because this whole fight has really broken up our friend group, which now I'm trying to get us back together even though so many people have told me that I won't be able to do that. I hate that we're all starting to hate each other, but it's really just that Raven is starting to dislike Royal and me, Royal doesn't like Raven. Logan, who I haven't mentioned before now, he's just in the middle of this, and I'm doing whatever I can to fix what I've done. Even though friendships can and will end, I don't want it to.
Sorry that I'm pouring all of this onto you, but I can't really help it. I want to get my group of friends back together and back to what we were last year when we first got together. Also, Raven and I started a story together and now that she blocked me, that's kicking off the author that started something that gave someone else the idea. I'm mad about that too, but I can't do anything about it even if it was my story in the first place and Raven just added onto the idea.
