i regret saying yes
I’ve been dating (unofficially) a guy for about 4 months and about 2-3 months in i lost all hope of us being in a relationship. During that time i started seeing things that i really disliked such as how he’s very selfish, doesn’t ever want to pay for activities that he brings up and invites me to, used to really hide me and a bunch of other smaller stuff.
well i carried on seeing him because although i didn’t see a relationship or anything, i just started relying like i was simply going places with a close friend. But last week out of nowhere he asked me to be his girlfriend and in the moment i didn’t think about everything and said yes. (some context, i’m his first girlfriend and i’m 18 he’s 19)
instead or being excited and stuff like past relationships, i spent the next few days really unsure and unbothered. But anyways I met up with him for the first time since he asked me out and yet again that feeling of slight regret just got amplified.
examples from the day we met after he asked me out:
- he does sports to knowing his passion i insisted that we go and i’ll watch, on the way there he had to run through his house but obviously because it’s such a fresh thing, it’d be awkward to go in because then i’d have to meet his family which is a big step. It was turning dark and the area he lives in isn't the best so i was already feeling uneasy standing there alone. it was a heatwave so about 35 C and dark in an area which isn’t the safest which i don’t know at all so i’m uncomfortable for both reasons, i’m assuming he’s going to run in and then run out with his stuff seeing as he could see where he’s just left me out in the street and also in the heat. 10 minutes go by and i’m now really uncomfortable, 15 minutes go by and because i hadn’t had the chance to grab some food i’m now really hungry, 20 minutes and he finally comes back out...I jokingly ask him what he was doing and he’s like “oh i was just eating and filling up my water and stuff”, no apology for the time i spent, no thought to even bring me ANYTHING, no offer of any water. After that my head was fully just in so much regret because i can see he doesn’t even think to ask if i’m okay or a text saying “hey i’m eating do you want me to grab you something from the house” not even an apology for taking so much time.
there’s so many other things that i noticed that day and now i’m just so annoyed at myself for being dumb enough to expect much from him when i slightly pointed it out before, but i thought maybe as my boyfriend he’d wake up and put in some more effort but because it’s his first relationship i feel bad because i guess he doesn’t have that experience. But honestly it’s such a small thing and even if it were a friend, i’d still do that due to basic respect and care.
Not sure if i should wait it out and see if he improves but i’m literally already a bit unhappy in a week long relationship
Like it’s not like i’m asking him to pay for my house and fly me to barbados for the weekend but he doesn’t even think “oh hey, the girl i asked to be my girlfriend is literally stuck in the heat at night in a place where i complain about the crime and people all the time, seeing as i’m in a position to make her feel safe and protected, maybe i should grab her something and be quick and if i take long apologise and make sure she’s okay with a simple text saying ‘sorry i’m taking some time but while i’m indoors should you like anything’”...
BUT NO. i literally had to ask for water, but my own food which he decided to eat half of.
also i got stranded in the place he lives and we decided to get a hotel room which was pretty expensive and of course he says “oh just do it on your card and i’ll transfer HALF” and oh wait hey guys it’s been 24 hours and i literally had to remind him to transfer it because he feels like it’s fine for me to pay for it.
i’m SUCH an idiot and as i type more, i literally just want to cry at the fact that i’m in this relationship in the first place
Literally
Break up with him
Everything about this is wrong, and you took a fast decision, please don't beat up yourself about it .
Just tell him it won't workout fr and that this relationship is just not serving you right .
Trust your gut feeling that has been not sure about him from the start
Don’t beat yourself up. We all do things in the moment and jump into things without thinking. It’s happened to most people in some way shape or form in life. Look at it this way: you’re early on. Let it go now before you hang onto it. Look at all the things you don’t have working against you: you’re young so it’s more common to get in and out of relationships, you’re not married to him, don’t have a kid with him, it’s all new. You’re not living together. Break it off while it’s easy; you’ll most likely be grateful and then he can find someone more suited for himself
@straightforwardBeechwood6877
Your quite young. And fair enough if you don't think this relationship will work. But just for reference... you need to communicate with your partner. No one's ever going to "improve with time" if you just say nothing. Some people are naturally more considerate. Others need things pointed out to them before they're like "oh, right I'm sorry. I didn't think of that but I will next time." Communication is essential to any relationship working.
As for paying... personally I think that the whole guy paying for stuff thing is... antiquated.
@straightforwardBeechwood6877
It’s Ok - this is good actually. Sometimes people stay in awful relationships rather long before they finally figure out the whole thing is never going to work out. At least you are realizing this early on in the relationship.
He definitely should have done more that day and treated you better - not because you’re his partner, but because of basic human decency. If you invite someone to your house, it’s courteous to consider their needs. It’s really that simple.
It does seem like a relationship of convenience for him - you pay for everything, he’s completely indifferent, doesn’t put much effort into anything, and when it’s all over he probably won’t care all that much; because caring takes effort! This is the early stages of the relationship also where people usually are trying harder to do more to impress their partners. You can wait around to see just how selfish he can be, but it seems like you’ve seen his nature for what it is already.
It’s OK, not all relationships are meant to last. Sometimes they are merely lessons that we are supposed to learn and grow from. He will learn that there are reasonable expectations in a relationship, and that selfish people don’t function well in relationships which are centered around mutual compromise. You will learn that you can’t change the wrong person into the right person, but you can date someone else altogether…
You’re a considerate partner. Find someone that appreciates you and recognizes your efforts. Someone who is your equal! You can do better!
Wishing you all the best ~!
CatsInTheCradle
I don't quite understand your problem. Why hang out with someone you don't like?
