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straightforwardBeechwood6877
1 19,520 M Progress Road 8
PathStep 11 Compassion hearts411 Forum posts39 Forum upvotes34 Current upvotes34 Age GroupAdult Last activeDecember, 2024 Member sinceNovember 24, 2020
Bio
hi! i just wanted to do a quick kinda vent and and see if i could understand my situation from a different pov
Recent forum posts
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Am I staying out of love or Codependency?
Relationship Stress / by straightforwardBeechwood6877
Last post
 May 18th
...See more I haven’t posted here in a while but I’m in a really annoying situation. Id been with my bf for 2 years and we’d had our issues but i’d moved past the prior hurt. However, for our anniversary we went on holiday. It was pretty much 10 pure days of mental torture for me. This was caused by him: * staring at other women constantly and ignoring me while doing it * him not being intimate with me at all/when we were it felt like i’d basically forced him so i didn’t really want to if he wasn’t comfortable * him being stuck on his phone constantly during times we were supposed to connect or even have random conversations (this had been an issue i’d brought up a few months before too) * him not listening to any of the 4 times I’d brought up the issues and asked him to change * him watching me have 2 really bad panic attacks because it had triggered such bad anxiety * him not caring when i was being physically sick, he just sat on the bed on his phone * his only worry during all of this was wether i was going to break up with him and when i said no he carried on his behaviours * Lied and hid things from me on the holiday but also prior to the holiday that messed up my trust * made me feel disrespected multiple times in the relationship which i’ve had to go past Id been so happy in the relationship up until then so for the month after the holiday i was deciding whether to break up with him. I decided on a long term exclusive break where we set goals for each other and ourselves. The first month of the break was pretty okay, took off lots of stress. We’d see each other every 2 weeks. However, 2 of the times we’ve seen each other he’s triggered the same insecurity i got on our holiday as id noticed he’d been staring at 2 girls for no reason other than their attractiveness. The first time i got over after a few days but the most recent time happened last weekend. I’m still in such a low mood about the relationship because i can see the power he has to absolutely shift my whole mood. I’m not sure how or if I can even get past this because it hurts me more the fact that i’d struggled with being very insecure many years ago but put in so much self work to get past it and now it’s all coming undone over a man that just can’t respect me enough. I don’t think I should still be with him but a part of me still feels in love and feels like i should just try to work past my insecurities. Im really stuck right now because i’m not sure what I can do as i’m giving myself 1 more month till I decide whether I should get back with him. If you guys were in my situation, what would you do?
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How much more?
Relationship Stress / by straightforwardBeechwood6877
Last post
 August 3rd, 2023
...See more I’m trying not to go mad but being the only one that gets seriously hurt in my relationship and being expected to be the perfect gf right after is eating at me. He lied about watching porn. It killed my trust and hurt me, i chose to move on and we go back to normal. He stares at every other woman while cutting the attention he gives me. I’m expected to move on and love him 110% like nothing happened. He chooses to sit on his phone and ignore me(including 3 times when i’m physically throwing up in a bathroom 3m away). I have to move on and accept ‘he’ll change’. I have to cry and have panic attacks right infront of him after stating MULTIPLE times why his actions upset me and why i’m hurt. I need to wipe my tears and still care for him, forgive him and carry on as usual. He isn’t changing. I don’t know why I’m still with him.
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He lied about watching porn
Relationship Stress / by straightforwardBeechwood6877
Last post
 May 15th, 2023
...See more My bf and I have been dating for a year and we’re normally very open. From early on we had the talks about boundaries and stuff. Without any input or coercion from me, he has stated that he finds porn disgusting and bad for your mental health about 6-7 times throughout this time. 2 days ago I jokingly asked to see his twitter search bar because everyone jokes about how there’s always some crazy stuff in there. He absolutely panics and I playfully ask once more. He refuses and i lie next to him a bit confused. Then in the corner of my eye I see him deleting all the searches. This really sets me off due to a past emotionally abusive relationship and i go to the toilet and get emotional. I come back into the room and lie in bed crying and then i confront him about how it makes me feel and why. The whole night i stay up overthinking about the 2 options it could be, another girl or porn. In the morning i’m very cold with him and then finally tell him what i think it was. After lots of silence and tears he finally admits it was porn. Im not sure what hurt more, him lying and hiding it the whole time or what it actually was. He said he’d only watched it once for 5 minutes but I watched him delete multiple searches. We had a conversation where it was just him crying about the thought of me leaving him, but this was still frustrating as it doesn’t answer any of the questions i still have. Hes over for the weekend and this happened ok friday and it’s currently sunday yet again overthinking. I just really want to know what made him change the “i hate porn” mindset or if all those times he’d blatantly lied to my face. I’ve also recently been struggling with body insecurity and just the thought of him lusting over another woman’s body had just made this worse. Any advice or what would you do in this situation?
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I feel like I’ve lost my friends
Relationship Stress / by straightforwardBeechwood6877
Last post
 September 2nd, 2022
...See more So i’ve gotten to the stage where everyone is moving to Uni/College but quite a few people in my direct friend group are staying at home. I talk to them quite a lot and I mention that before some people leave, we should go out altogether. However I’ve come to notice that they speak to me less and on several occasions (i’m in a group of 5) 2 people will meet and the other 2 will meet which leaves me out completely. I recently got into a relationship but I’ve 110% made sure this doesn’t affect my friendships but because i’m seeing that my ‘friends’ don’t wanna hang out with me as often as we used to, i’m filling up more of the time speaking and being with my bf. I’m not sure if this is making it worse because it may seem like i’ve replaced that time for my bf but really it’s just because no one else has made any time for me and i’m accepting it and using it for something else. I have friends that i’m not directly close with that aren’t going to uni and we’ve talked about going out more often with each other but I hate seeing that the friends i thought were closest to me, barely wanna see me (I haven’t seen a single one of them in 2+ weeks but we live close). I haven’t gotten into any arguments and can’t find a real explanation as to why I’ve been pushed out of the group but if anyone has any advice, that would be appreciated.
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Need some advice
Relationship Stress / by straightforwardBeechwood6877
Last post
 August 23rd, 2022
...See more I’m currently in my first healthy relationship (i’ve had one VERY toxic one before) and we’d been dating for 4 months but officially together for 1 month. We speak a lot daily and have spent a lot of time together, met each other’s friends and we know each other very well. It’s literally a great relationship, easy communication which stops conflicts and you get the rest… This is his first relationship (he’s doing great regardless) and in my first one it was a lot of love bombing and rushed, however I’m really realising that i’m IN love with him (like deep emotion love) and i’ve caught myself trying to keep the special 3 words (ILY) from coming out. I don’t doubt that he’s feeling deeper emotions and he’s great at showing it but i don’t want to scare him by saying it because it’s his first relationship. I was with him yesterday and found a moment that would’ve been perfectly in the moment to confess how i feel but because of this fear i stopped myself and i slightly regret it. Could anyone give me some advice or how and when they did it in their relationship?
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i regret saying yes
Relationship Stress / by straightforwardBeechwood6877
Last post
 July 31st, 2022
...See more I’ve been dating (unofficially) a guy for about 4 months and about 2-3 months in i lost all hope of us being in a relationship. During that time i started seeing things that i really disliked such as how he’s very selfish, doesn’t ever want to pay for activities that he brings up and invites me to, used to really hide me and a bunch of other smaller stuff. well i carried on seeing him because although i didn’t see a relationship or anything, i just started relying like i was simply going places with a close friend. But last week out of nowhere he asked me to be his girlfriend and in the moment i didn’t think about everything and said yes. (some context, i’m his first girlfriend and i’m 18 he’s 19) instead or being excited and stuff like past relationships, i spent the next few days really unsure and unbothered. But anyways I met up with him for the first time since he asked me out and yet again that feeling of slight regret just got amplified. examples from the day we met after he asked me out: * he does sports to knowing his passion i insisted that we go and i’ll watch, on the way there he had to run through his house but obviously because it’s such a fresh thing, it’d be awkward to go in because then i’d have to meet his family which is a big step. It was turning dark and the area he lives in isn't the best so i was already feeling uneasy standing there alone. it was a heatwave so about 35 C and dark in an area which isn’t the safest which i don’t know at all so i’m uncomfortable for both reasons, i’m assuming he’s going to run in and then run out with his stuff seeing as he could see where he’s just left me out in the street and also in the heat. 10 minutes go by and i’m now really uncomfortable, 15 minutes go by and because i hadn’t had the chance to grab some food i’m now really hungry, 20 minutes and he finally comes back out...I jokingly ask him what he was doing and he’s like “oh i was just eating and filling up my water and stuff”, no apology for the time i spent, no thought to even bring me ANYTHING, no offer of any water. After that my head was fully just in so much regret because i can see he doesn’t even think to ask if i’m okay or a text saying “hey i’m eating do you want me to grab you something from the house” not even an apology for taking so much time. there’s so many other things that i noticed that day and now i’m just so annoyed at myself for being dumb enough to expect much from him when i slightly pointed it out before, but i thought maybe as my boyfriend he’d wake up and put in some more effort but because it’s his first relationship i feel bad because i guess he doesn’t have that experience. But honestly it’s such a small thing and even if it were a friend, i’d still do that due to basic respect and care. Not sure if i should wait it out and see if he improves but i’m literally already a bit unhappy in a week long relationship
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What would you do?
Relationship Stress / by straightforwardBeechwood6877
Last post
 June 6th, 2022
...See more I’m casually dating a guy but he hasn’t really asked me to be his girlfriend so at the thick of it, i’m still single. I’ve tried asking what this is and where it’s heading and he’s very vague and the most i’ve got from him was ‘It’s a Thing’ whatever tf that means. Yesterday we stayed over night with each other for the first time and he kept going onto his phone which was okay but i’d notice he’d try turn his phone slightly away if he was talking to one of his guy friends so that was weird. I had a few guys texting me and he got really curious and kept trying to get me off my phone so that he was the only one using his. He also liked to look over my shoulder and see exactly what I was doing on my phone and whenever another guy is mentioned at all, he would get weird. I don’t really understand why he feels the need to be jealous when he doesn’t want a serious relationship. I do like spending time with him and I quite like what we have and don’t require an official title, BUT I also like the option to do whatever I want (respectfully) as i’m not his girlfriend and his jealousy shouldn’t really be there. I’m more than okay with him seeing other people as we aren’t a couple but I dislike giving him the boyfriend treatment when he doesn’t want to take me that seriously. What do I do?
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He has me a little confused
Relationship Stress / by straightforwardBeechwood6877
Last post
 June 13th, 2022
...See more Well after many months after a break up, I finally feel stable and good enough to move on and open up (but I didn’t go searching) A guy hit me up and right off the bat he’s a green flag, we had great conversations and he asked “once we get to know each other more, could we meet” and of course I said yes because from there I enjoyed his conversations and personality. After almost a month of daily talking which never got dry or boring we finally met and there we both saw we had such good chemistry and a great physical attraction as well, he’s very respectful and polite. The week after (yesterday) we go on another date and it’s just as good if not better. We simply give off couple vibes with the affection and chemistry we have (even a shopkeeper mistook him for a boyfriend). But the day before I’d gotten pretty drunk and sent him a fun voice note where I simply dropped that I really like him and when we met he was urging me to open and relisten to it. I did and giggled and asked what was so shocking because it’s very clear I do. However simply saying I like him (which he knew before because we’d said it beforehand and shown it very clearly) didn’t seem like the worst thing to say. When i asked him about how he felt he didn’t overly give me the most clear answer, it wasn’t an “i’m really unsure so maybe not” kind of answer but “it’s hard to put into words right now”. This was right before we went our separate ways home. I didn’t think much of it because i know it’s a lot of pressure especially saying it to my face but as soon as I got on my train he sent me a load of voice notes for not saying it clearly and he didn’t want me to think he just brushed off my feelings (which i didn’t because it’s understandable). I assured him i didn’t think he hated me or anything and I understood it’s hard to formulate feelings into words easily. Also it’s our second date so I just made what I meant clearer and told him how I really like him as in his personality and the attraction and time we spend together and he said “that’s pretty much how i feel too”. Afterwards we dropped the conversation and went straight back to our talkative ways and luckily it didn’t mess anything up. I don’t need a relationship with him because as it is, I love the time we spend together and how much connection we have already, I just hope he doesn’t feel like he owes me something soon or that i’m expecting him to make a move fully. I don’t overly want to bring the conversation up out of nowhere again, should I wait for him to ask what this is and what we both want from it or simply (as i was planning to do) go with the flow. This is the first time i’ve ever so slightly overthought anything with him because it’s so easy and natural I really like it, but i feel like it’s always a good thing to set out clearly anyways.
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