@sillycritter
Different people have different expectations and criteria for what ‘Love’ actually is to them. Many young people have multiple relationships with different people and think they were in love with each partner at the time , but when they look back on those relationships when they are older they will usually conclude they didn’t actually love most/all of their partners. This is because our understanding of ‘love’ is constantly growing and developing with our own emotional intelligence, which depends in part on our experience with relationships.
Maybe he sees Love as a huge commitment. Maybe he wants to be absolutely sure of his feelings before he wants to tell a girl that he loves her. He might be the kind of person to move slowly, and cautiously, to analyse and evaluate his emotions, to move at his own pace and only when he has a high degree of certainty, he would rather make a right decision rather than a rash decision under pressure.
He could have told you that he loves you in response to you saying it, but would you rather he said it without meaning it? If he isn’t in love with you right now would you still prefer that he lied and told you he is in love with you when he’s not…?
And when we do tell people that we love them, that sometimes does create a pressure to reciprocate. Hence why he might have felt uncomfortable with you saying it, because it might feel awkward for him if he knows you have an expectation that he will reciprocate when he honestly doesn’t feel at that stage yet in his emotional commitment. And when he withdrew afterwards, that is [possibly] his way of signalling to you that he is concerned you are moving too fast / falling too fast and that the pace at which you are moving in the relationship does not match (with his). He might be trying to encourage you to ‘slow down’ by being less affectionate.
If he’s telling you he’s ‘not at that stage yet’ - that’s the measure that’s important. It’s not about what is ‘normal’ for other relationships. You’re not in a relationship with other people. It’s what he's feeling that is important, and what he’s communicating to you.
I hope this helps! Wishing you all the best.
CatsInTheCradle