How Do I Help Her?

I’ve been with my girlfriend for almost 6 months now. We FaceTime and text everyday, sometimes falling asleep next to each other on the phone. We both have expressed that we want a future together and deeply care about each. Here’s the kicker, we haven’t met in person yet.

My girlfriend has pretty severe anxiety and has a hard time coping with big changes. We planned several times to meet up and do something chill, but it always falls through. I brush it off as no big deal as we take things slow. She eventually asks me to go on a date with her and we plan for a day to meet and have coffee. After trying to meet up for the 2nd time, she became so anxious that she basically ghosted me for a week.

I have my own issues with abandonment and overthinking so I start getting worried. I cried and drank thinking that she left me for all kinds of reasons, even though our relationship prior has been perfectly fine. Eventually I asked her to talk to me if something was wrong. She told me she had a horrible week at work and was overall overwhelmed at the idea of us meeting. I told her I was hurt that she didn’t just talk to me so we could figure out a solution.

We came to the conclusion that we were going to continue to take things slow, and she was going to talk to a therapist about how to cope with change. She says she cares about me a lot and is afraid of screwing are relationship up. She’s worried we’ll meet and things won’t be the same. I try to reassure her that that’s not the case because I care about her to.

Although she’s going to get help, I can’t help feeling like things have changed. I try to act normal, but my walls are up again. I feel like I’m constantly looking for reassurance that we’re ok and I’m doing the right things. I want to talk about our situation more, but when I do she gets real anxious and on the brink of a panic attack. I don’t talk about our future with her anymore. Overall I feel more on guard because I don’t want to get hurt again. I don’t feel happy. I feel insecure in my relationship.

My friends are saying to just break up with her, but I don’t want that. I care about her so damn much. I want to know how I can do my part in making this easier for her. I’m afraid that we’re just stuck at this spot in our relationship or that every change that comes in our relationship (meeting family, sex, moving in, etc.) will cause her to run and ghost me again. I feel like no amount of reassurance will help unless she believes that we’ll meet and it’ll be ok. I told her that we might meet and we have a ton of fun, or we meet and just remain friends. But we’ll never know unless we try.