Choosing a partner, past traumas, from toxic to healthy

Having the chance to have loved, to have been loved, all great.

 Who’s my partner to be?

 I’ve always been in relationships that turn out to become super toxic for both me and the person I’m with. I am a clingy person and enjoy every moment with who I choose to date.

 My most recent relationship, like previous ones; the guy would break up with me and come back saying it was never over.. now he wants to marry me (has said it before over the years) but I wish I could’ve gotten that as the real deal long before the pain and the feeling of being thrown away and welcoming him back all the time.

 I’ve lost friends that had ulterior motives and wanted more than friendship while i was dating. Recently lost one because they revealed they were pretty much trying to buy my affection. You could say I’m an odd female that wants more than the material things, i want love and affection too. And most importantly respect.

 Now here a great guy comes along and is mind blowing. Gives me attention, before i bring up my insecurities, his actions alone reassure me that I’m going to be okay and that he really cares about me and wants to talk with me or spend time with me.

 My toxic ex decided that proposing to me would be a great idea. Why now? Why use that as the last resort? I love him yes but i worry if this is another ploy to get what he wants. 

I’m happy for the first time in what seems to be my first healthy relationship. I’m only struggling to accept that because I’m not used to it