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Boundaries and respect

intelligentTiger5312 March 16th, 2022
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I'm just sounding off here and wondering what others views are on this situation. Do you find it really annoying and disrespectful when your partner is always looking at their phone especially whilst in your company?


I have to accept that smartphones are here to stay and I even use one but I am mindful of when I use it. However my partner seems to be addicted to his. Its like his mistress, always holding his attention and getting in between us. As soon as he wakes up he checks Facebook and the news, and he will then grab any opportunity to flick through his phone during the day and even last thing at night in bed. He must open his phone at least 70 times in a day and will scroll for at least 20 minutes at a time. And what really gets me is that when I get in from work, we will get talking and exchanging stories of the day and then he will just stop talking and opens his phone and stares it and I'm left sitting like a lemon in silence. I do then say 'are we done with talking?' he'll look up and say 'yup, unless you want to say anything else?'. I give up and leave the room. He will also do it during our time watching a film together. All I can see from the corner of my eye is the flicker of his phone screen as he gets lost in scrolling, it's not nice when you feel your are not having quality time with your other half.


It is also embarrassing as he will do this when in company of family members, I know he probably uses it so he doesn't have to engage with them, well he might as well stay in the car!

3
Daydreamer47 March 16th, 2022
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@intelligentTiger5312 I get feeling like you want his full attention and might feel like he's not listening to you. Keep in mind though for some people it can be a sort of social anxiety or introvert thing out of nervousness. I think it's okay to express how you feel and sort of compromise, like when it's a really serious conversation I want your full attention because I am being vulnerable but also try to understand his side and how it may help him cope with things.

intelligentTiger5312 OP March 16th, 2022
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He does give me his attention when it's important and I'm not saying that I'm demanding it either all the time. I just feel that phones have created a culture of bad habits and bad manners and it exacerbates the social anxieties more than alleviates it. A walk in the fresh air or reading a book would be more healthy than staring at a screen and isolating ones self from your present moment. In addition there is much rubbish online that is like junk food for the brain... Designed to hook you in and turn one into a zombie and more at the expense of experiencing connection with real life. A happy balance needs to be found.


hardworkingCat3279 March 16th, 2022
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I use to have that problem as well. I think your best option is to communicate how you feel with your partner. I also think it’s disrespectful and addressed it and it was no longer a problem.


Smartphones are definitely an addiction. I’m also trying to get my sister to stop using hers so much. It’s so rude. Just set some boundaries and those who matter will respect it.

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