11 DAYS SINCE WE BROKE UP N NEED ADVICE
I’ve been in a relationship for a year with a guy 10 years younger than me who became my best friend for 6 months before we started dating. Well on the 4th of July which was the anniversary of his moms death he told me his dad had told him all these lies about me when we got into a fight. A few months ago his dad hit on me and I told him I’m your friend and in love with your son and ever since I could feel his dads dislike towards me but I never told his son because I didn’t want to start trouble so when his son told me all the things his dad said which were all lies and he chose to believe his father over me We broke up. He threw up so much hurtful things in my face, called me names and even told me he wishes I’d die. The fact that he held all these lies his father told him in for so long is what gets me. I tried so hard to be good to him. I was loyal, and did any and everything for him. I was single 100% for 3 years before I started dating him just because I was really hurt from a 17 year bad relationship, and I ended up getting hurt again. I know he was a mess emotionally and mentally and I’m probably insane for missing him but I do. I even offered to pay 350$ for a lie detector just to prove his dad is lying but after the things he said to me when he was angry I don’t think we can come back from but I really do love him we haven’t spoken in 6 days, do I let it go and move on or do I try to fix it.
@Mykidsb4me33 Wow so sorry you experienced this. Please work on your own self-esteem and self-love. The way he treated you is not ok. It's important to have some standards of self-respect and be able to find more positive people when someone does not treat you well. I understand having strong feelings and it may take time to move on, but please find a less toxic person.
hello, @Mykidsb4me33, thank you for posting this <3
first of all, i can only provide you options on what to do, i cannot give advice seeing as you're the one who will ultimately achieve the results of your actions which is why you're the best judge. moving on, you've mentioned that your ex partner was 10 years younger than you. in such a big age gap, a lack of maturity can be evident. this is illustrated by the fact that instead of communicating how he felt, he chose to hide it and marinated in all those feelings of suspicion and disgust towards you. although, because it came from his dad, of course he believed it. who doesn't trust their blood? given he should've still tried to clear the air with you. however, there's also many other things that led to the break-up. a fight erupted because you were—understandably so—outraged at what you were hearing. and although this mind sound unfair, you're generally the older person in the relationship so there's more expected from you. it's not just his fault. you should've also communicated what his dad had said to you & what you thought concerning it.
i understand that you didn't want to start anything, but properly explaining, being open & direct communication is essential in a relationship. one can not flourish without it. should've and could've are statements that lead to regret, but they're also an opportunity to learn. recognizing your mistakes is the first step to not making them again.
you're responsible for yourself. not him. so don't concern yourself with what he did wrong. he said hurtful stuff? there you go, those are your red flags. do you really want to spend time fixing a relationship where the dad is also enamoured with you? where the son doesn't trust you anymore?
i hope that helped a bit <3
