Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav
  1. Forum
  2. Relationship Stress
  3. Trying to treat others ok when others are not doing the same

Trying to treat others ok when others are not doing the same
RiseLikePhoenix April 22nd, 2016
.

Hi guys smiley

I'd like to invite you to share your thoughts about the following thing-

If you're a person who works on improving own self, balancing emotions, fixing healthy borders in relationships, being fair and kind in possible conflicts , being honest and what not , what happens when people that you have around just don't do the same?

Meaning...what's the point?

Okay, I know there is a point-for own self, that there is a value in it. But , you know, when I started my journey in self improving I imagined that it would raise the quality of my relationships (any kind of relationships) and you know what? I think that 90%of people are not even worth applying these all proper healthy psychological treating cause they are not behaving in healthy ways themselves. It doesn't mean that I'm not trying to be okay towards everyone, that I stopped improving myself. But it hurt me so many times that it was like pouring normality into the dark pit where it disappeared. I'm not even taking only about super toxicity ,I'm taking about average not fair and unhealthy behaviors and people who simply don't appreciate when someone is trying to be okay to them.

What are your thoughts, experiences and philosophy in the field of improving in relationships with others?

Share if you feel like it :)

2
Rebecca April 24th, 2016
.

@RiseLikePheonix

I think I get what you mean! It can be completely exhausting to put a lot of energy and time into what turn out to be one-sided relationships! It's also extremely frustrating and upsetting. This has happened to me many times. My approach to dealing with people like this is to treat them with the same amount of respect I'd give to a stranger. I would never be rude to a stranger; I'd alwas remain polite. However, this just ensures that I'm not draining myself for people who don't want to put anything back into the relationship. It's my way of setting boundaries and not getting hurt, I guess :)

What do you normally do when other people don't want to improve their relationships?

RiseLikePhoenix OP April 24th, 2016
.

Thank you @RebeccaEmily for your reply! smiley

What do I do? I'm trying all my best to ensure that I did all I could and often I realize that it was in vain and then I just stop caring and it just becomes one of those relationships that's based on saying hi from time to time.

I can't say I don't get hurt though. I mean not when it's clear from the beginning that someone is not giving as much as I do. I mean situations when somoeone behaves as if they really want to be friends and then it just turns out that it was fun for them only in the beginning and suddenly they start to behave differently. And I feel like suddenly all this being involved, fair and what not didn't make much sense apart from behaving according to my own inner standards.

*Support Forum Disclaimer
My communities
Community guidelines
Report an issue
Talk to an expert therapist
I'm so glad you're taking this step! My clients have my full attention in...
Talk to Alisha Now