Guide to Being a Good Boyfriend
<<<<<<<<<<How to Be a Good Boyfriend>>>>>>>>>>
Being a good boyfriend is within every guy's grasp ?? it just requires a focus on making a consistent effort and behaving considerately. It also relies on having respect, both for your girlfriend and for yourself, in order to make the relationship one of equals. A successful relationship isn't something that just happens??you have to work at it??but the results are worth the effort. Here's how to be the best boyfriend in the world.
Show Trust and Honesty
Be honest. In any relationship, honesty is almost always the best policy. It may be difficult at times, but basing your interactions on truth will allow your relationship to breathe and feel secure. No matter what happens, no one can ever challenge the fact that you are truthful, which will often mean that the other person returns the same respect by being truthful in turn. Studies have found that when couples were more honest from the start, they are more likely to work on their relationship and grow together
Temper your honesty with kindness. Don't feel as if you have to make every response seem like a compliment. Instead, offer an alternative. For example, if she asks you if you like something she is trying on, let her know that it might work, but you think the blue one is your favourite so far because it shows off her great eyes/smile/hair.
Don't sugarcoat the truth. It's the same with other problems: telling her what you like is fine, but you have to tell her what you don't like as well. Sugarcoating is fine, but deflecting isn't.
Be prepared for her to be honest with you. Expect this kind of brutal honesty back from your girlfriend. If you both realize that expressing such opinions just comes out of caring and honesty, you'll have a better relationship.
Foster trust and openness. This will allow you to create a more open relationship toward each other, as well as creating a very good understanding in what your mate wants, feels, and needs.
Trust her and give her reason to trust you. Trust should form the foundation of your relationship; after all, love is a combination of trust and commitment.
Avoid breathing down each other's necks??allow space to do things separately as well as apart, trusting in each other to honor the relationship. Openness, in combination with honesty, should blend in perfect harmony and help your relationship to endure.
Show Support
Be supportive. You can show support by being available, listening attentively and showing your interest in the things she has to tell you.
When you spend time together, make an effort to be present and attentive to her needs. By being supportive, you'll help to strengthen the sense of security and reciprocity in the relationship.
Don't brush her off. It's exasperating when someone seems to treat you in a condescending way, acting as if your interests are inferior to their own. Don't give your girlfriend cause to feel frustrated this way??remember that she is your girlfriend, and that you're with her because you like her and she likes being with you.
Don't make her worry. If she feels that you're giving her the cold treatment, she'll be worried??it's far better to be open about your concerns than to go silent and express nothing. She can't read your mind, you need to explain your feelings and concerns as they arise.
Be understanding if your girlfriend tries to gain your attention by being loud, talkative or even slightly whiny. If you haven't been paying her attention, she may be using these tactics to try and shake you out of your inner world so that you connect better with her again. A little attentiveness can go a long way to assuaging her frustration and restoring equilibrium to your relationship.
Remember that relationships aren't a game??if she gets the impression that she has to badger you until you surrender and finally pay her attention, it'll become the norm, established by your disinterest. Don't let that happen.
If you're in a particularly foul mood and you're concerned that you might overreact if asked to explain yourself, keep things really simple and buy yourself time rather than brushing her off. Say something simple like: "I'm feeling really angry right now. I don't want to fight like that. Let's talk later." And actually follow through later and talk as promised.
Compliment your girlfriend sincerely. Every person appreciates a compliment, but you must mean it. Make sure your compliment focuses on something you genuinely like or admire about her.
Go beyond the ordinary statements. For example, don't just say, "You look nice." Instead, say "That really makes your eyes shine," "Your haircut really suits the shape of your face," or "That makes me want to kiss your neck" ...and then kiss her neck! The more specific you are, the more unique and appreciative the compliment.
Show sympathy and empathy. If it means something to her, it means something to you. It doesn't matter that you wouldn't be interested in the issue if it weren't for her??a relationship is about sharing experiences and being supportive. Some examples of times when you need to be sympathetic and empathetic include:
If she suffers the death of a pet, remember that to her it is a big deal. Her close attachment to her pet is natural; indeed, you may have experienced this attachment yourself. Losing a pet is like losing a family member for many people and it is important to acknowledge the hurt and pain that such a loss causes. Avoid telling her to stop crying or to get another pet. Instead, take the time to simply be there for her, to listen and hold her as you comfort her. Give her hugs and let her know that you're there for her. Try to use the pet's name rather than referring to it as simply "your cat" or "your dog". After a few days, she'll probably feel stronger but continue to be sympathetic.
If she cries for a reason you can't be sure of, first determine if the tears are happy, sad, or frustrated. If happy, then be happy with her. If sad, find out what made her sad, and comfort her.
Donot tell her to stop crying??doing so makes her feel like she's being a burden to you or like you don't care. Crying is actually a very healthy way to release emotions and get over whatever is bothering her. By asking her to stem that release you are also preventing her from resolving the issue faster.
When she's at her most vulnerable, don't try and fix the problem for her. While this is often an automatic male reflex, she doesn't want her problem "fixed". She wants to clear her emotions and simply have you accept that. Of course, much later, once she seems calmer and more at ease with the matter, by all means offer your help and ideas for resolving the matter.
Show affection often and without fear. Demonstrate to your girlfriend that you love her by being affectionate. Small touches, hugs, a kiss and maybe a little public display of affection (PDA) are just some of the ways of connecting through affection.
Don't overdo it??you don't want to make her uncomfortable. Remember to read her signs, and if she's not in the mood, don't kiss her!
Make physical contact. Girls are usually more sensitive than guys, so even a light touch is appreciated. If your girl is a romantic, upon seeing her for the first time in a couple of days, say, "I missed you..." and weave your arms around her hips then give her a loving hug.
A hug in public can last anywhere from five seconds, to a minute or two but again, read her signals to see if time's up.
If you have been together with your girlfriend for longer, and have kissed before, feel free to also give a light kiss on her lips/cheek/forehead/neck just to show that you really appreciate her presence. Or just kiss her hand by clasping and bringing it up to your lips.
If you're not sure how your girlfriend feels about public displays of affection, be discreet.
Be Spontaneous
Mix things up. Try not to fall into a rut of always doing the same things. While you probably have one or two regular things you enjoy doing together, avoid making the regular the only things you do. Instead, try visiting new places, giving new activities a go and going to different parts of town. Even if the new activities don't turn out the way you'd hoped, at least you've shared the experience and are getting to know one another even better.
By mixing things up, you keep the excitement in your relationship and make your outings together refreshing. You are also creating memories together that will endure well beyond the experiences.
In time, the two of you should grow to be comfortable with each other, and do things together without feeling self-conscious. Ideally, your girlfriend should never feel stupid around you for wanting or doing a particular thing. Always be prepared to step out of your comfort zone and try something new.
Surprise your girlfriend by doing something offbeat now and then??think of things less typical and more personal. This could include anything from racing your girlfriend to your walking destination, dancing without music, or even bringing her a tub of Lego bricks and encouraging her to build something that represents the two of you.
Give presents. Put thought into a birthday, Valentine's Day, Christmas or anniversary gift and other special occasions.
Choose a gift that is reasonable and thoughtful; it doesn't need to be expensive, just considerate of who she is and her likes.
Think of special touches, like adding a her name to a necklace, or a pendant representing something she cares about, such as a snowflake if she loves to ski or a musical note if she loves to play an instrument, etc. Usually, unless she doesn't like chocolate, a gift of some will be appreciated.
Notice her interests when out together. She might make mention of something she likes in a shop window, or something she wishes she could try, like going for a horse ride or abseiling. Don't just think of tangible items??experience gifts can be far more exciting and fun than a list of things.
Flowers are often an ideal gift. They're pretty, they're thoughtful and they're not going to break the budget. If she really likes a certain type of flower, buy her the plant for her garden or windowsill; she can tend to it and continue to be reminded of you.
Pick something up out of the blue now and then and give it to her just because your were "thinking of her". This sort of gift has great impact because it's so unexpected and delightful. Sean Connery summed it up best when he said that "[t]he way to a woman's heart is through an unexpected gift at an unexpected time."
Key in reminders of such dates into your phone or calendar to ensure that you remember??there's no excuse not to!
Communicate
Communicate well and regularly. When you talk, aim for a 50-50 balance in the flow of conversation. It's awkward when a partner is either too quiet or too talkative. If you're too quiet, she'll think you're not interested in her, or that you're being distant. If you're too talkative, she'll think you're self-obsessed or plain impolite.
Obviously, there will be occasions when you do talk a lot (such as when something exciting or important happens) or when you retreat a bit (such as when something bad happens) but on the whole, aim for a balance of conversation.
When the talk seems to falter, use questions to keep it going. Ask her what movies she enjoys and. Which are her favorites? Ask her what her favorite season is and what she likes most about it. Ask her what her favorite toy was when growing up and why. You get the drift??little questions can lead to more discussion.
Sometimes to help the conversation flow, talk about something you know she likes a little bit in an honest way, what you think of it, and make a guess at why she might like it. Even if you're wrong, your mate will usually love the fact that you're interested enough to try.
Remember, the opposite of talking is not waiting for your turn, it's listening. Make sure you're actually listening, not just waiting for your turn to talk. Don't listen too intensely and don't stare??not once breaking eye contact is a bit scary! Always seem interested and fully engaged in her presence.
Take a Step Back
Give her space. Just because your girlfriend is your significant other, it doesn't mean she is yours, implying some kind of ownership. You can't keep this person all to yourself.
You might get jealous if she talks to someone else, but if you trust her and you're good to her, you shouldn't have anything to worry about.
If her actions do make you feel uncomfortable, sit down and talk, again using nonviolent communication.
Appreciate her looks ? both natural and made-up. She may not always feel like spending an hour plucking, tweezing, clipping this, applying that. Make sure she knows she can relax and be herself with you. Don't make her feel like she always has to look like a celestial being.
If she is letting herself go, so to speak, bring it up in a gentle and helpful way, like "Whatever happened to your red lipstick? You have gorgeous lips, and I love it when you highlight them once in a while. It looks amazing."
Take care of yourself. Don't be needy or dependent. Nothing scares a person away faster than spending time around someone who constantly needs to be reminded to do laundry, take a shower, or get to work on time. Be hygienic and neat, set goals, and work hard. You can't be a good boyfriend if you're not taking responsibility for yourself.
Spend time apart. As much as you love one another, giving each other space is an important part of keeping the relationship strong and healthy. Encourage her to have time with her friends and expect the same in turn for time with your friends. Keep up your hobbies, sports and other interests that you had before each of you met; show an interest but don't force yourself into doing those things unless you're genuinely interested.
HELPFUL TIPS
Remember that she talks to her friends. If you don't know what she wants for a present, ask them, they probably know most of her dream dates, favorite spots, favorite brands, and what she absolutely hates. However, do not ask her friends what is wrong with her if you two have had a fight, they will almost always choose her side and word will get back to her. Be nice to her friends, if they don't like you, they may give her advice against being with you (especially if you are a complete jerk to them or refuse to let her spend time with them).
Don't move too fast, this will probably ruin the relationship. Start off slowly, and your relationship will progress healthily.
Even if you don't like her siblings, don't tell her that or even show it??keep it to yourself. Family will usually come first.
WARNINGS
If your partner sees you doing something that can be easily misinterpreted in a bad way, don't say "This isn't what you think" or "This isn't what it looks like." Hold her hand (she will usually try to pull away) then look her in the eye and tell her you love her, and that she is the only one for you, and then explain that it really wasn't what it looked like.
Never cheat. It will backfire on you. Once will be enough to convince someone to dump you. Realize where your heart is and stick to that.
Never hold her family's actions against her. No one can help what their family does or says. You can share with her that it bothers you what someone might have done or said but leave it alone after that.
Never tell her about something you almost did for her and then ended up not doing for whatever reason. Like saying "I thought about getting you this gift, but changed my mind" or "I was going to take the day off work to spend it with you and then decided it was a bad idea." She will not think you were thoughtful??she will think you decided she wasn't worth it. This is worse than an oblivious boyfriend, because it shows you know how to be romantic and what to do, but don't find her valuable enough to put in the effort. Such thoughts are definitely best kept to yourself.
Don't embarrass her. Most people get embarrassed if you talk about undergarments, hygiene, making love, and so forth, in public. Remember, those sorts of things may be attractive to you, but to her they may be something she doesn't want to talk about in public. Also, never tell a funny story about her without her consent, especially if she tries to stop you, do not continue. This will hurt her feelings, as it shows her that impressing your friends and making them laugh is more important to you than her not having to feel stupid.
Don't be too clingy. She wants her personal space just as much as you do. If she wants to hang out with her friends, or do something other than hanging out with you, let her.
No matter how intense you feel about her, don't assume she feels exactly the same way. You don't want to come on too strong.
