Communicating your Distress to Loved Ones
I thought I would share this idea with anyone who struggles to express their emotions when they are upset. I have always been emotionally sensitive and very anxious, but for the most part I've learned how to regulate my emotions so they don't negatively affect the people I love, unless there is a clear and valid problem involving someone else that needs to be addressed. However, I was recently put on heart medication with side effects that include inducing anxiety and irritability. I suddenly found myself not wanting to be around people, losing my patience with my husband, and becoming upset at things that would normally not even make it on my radar. Some days are better than others, but the last thing I want is for my husband to walk on eggshells not knowing what kind of day I was having, or for him to take my mood personally, as if he'd done something wrong. Unfortunately, my worst days are also the days I have the hardest time asking for help or expressing my needs. So my husband and I have worked it out that on days where I feel more irritated or anxious, I will wear an elastic band on my wrist (you could wear anything really, like a particular bracelet or hairpin or T shirt). If he sees the elastic he knows I am not feeling well, so he knows to be a little more patient or to cut down on the jokes and jabs, and maybe offer to do a little more around the home (or to expect less from me). And he knows to give me extra personal space so I don't get overwhelmed. Usually by the next day I feel much better, but I find this helps me to communicate my emotions and needs without having to say anything, and I don't inadvertently hurt his feelings because he knows that my irritability that day likely has nothing to do with him.
So, if you are having experiences similar to mine then you might find that wearing something to communicate to others how you are feeling, without actually having to talk about it, is helpful (as long as you discuss what the item actually means and what would be the most helpful ways to respond (e.g., more hugs, more personal space, more patience, etc.). Many times we have to teach others how to meet our needs and help us to feel loved, including how to recognize when we are suffering and in need of a little extra comfort and grace.
@adamabinta - What a wonderful idea! It can be exhausting to constantly have to communicate to others how we're feeling when we might already be feeling a bit fragile, but this is a nice simple, subtle way of helping your husband know where you're at that day. I love it!
@Anomalia Thanks!
I was actually thinking more about this idea today, because I have trouble expressing a range of emotions. Oftentimes what I am feeling on the inside does not match the expression on my face, and it can be confusing to others. As an example, sometimes when I am angry or upset I will smile, not because I am trying to hide my pain but because somewhere along the way that neural link between psychological pain and facial expression became disassociated. Maybe its because I learned as a child that smiling when I felt threatened by other people reduced their aggression toward me, or because anger was not allowed to be expressed in our home. Now, if I tell someone I am angry, they usually laugh or brush it off because I don't have a serious look on my face.
I was thinking that maybe wearing different colours on my wrist could convey my different emotions, like a red band could mean anger, yellow could mean anxiety, or green could mean content/peaceful. You could wear different coloured bands at the same time to represent mixed emotions. I imagine it would make your emotions more tangible, less threatening, and easier for your loved ones to understand and/or talk about, regardless of whether your facial expressions/body language accurately reflected your current emotional state. It might even help people who choose to write their pain on their body in blood and scars. Sometimes just seeing a physical representation of your feelings helps you to feel more in control and better able to convey those experiences to others. Some coloured wrist bands would certainly be an easier and healthier way than self-harm to socially communicate your struggles, at least for individuals with loved ones who genuinely care and want to help.
@adamabinta this is a very nice idea! I'll try to wear different colored bands to learn to know my emotions as it arise, and to help my acceptance. I too have difficult times to communicate my situation to my husband but fortunately he is willing to learn to understand. I hope this method will help us make a healthier communication in difficult situation.
Thank you for sharing!