Attachment Styles - An Overview
The Importance of Attachment Styles
When considering how someone behaves around other people, it's super important to be cognizant of patterns in behavior because it can help us understand what we can work on (if anything) when keeping friendships or romantic relationships.
Because of this, being mindful of attachment styles allows us to know why we (and even others) react and feel the way we do.
3 Overarching Categories of Attachment
A: I am somewhat uncomfortable being close to others; I find it difficult to trust them completely, difficult to allow myself to depend on them. I am nervous when someone gets too close, and often, others want me to be more intimate than I am comfortable being.
B: I find it relatively easy to get close to others and am comfortable depending on them and having them depend on me. I don't worry about being abandoned or about someone getting too close to me.
C: I find that others are reluctant to get as close as I would like. I often worry that my partner doesn't really love me or won't want to stay with me. I want to get very close to my partner, and this sometimes scares people away.
From the three-category measure, it was found that about 60% of adults described themselves as secure (B), about 20% described themselves as avoidant (A), and about 20% described themselves as anxious (C).
A later (and more in depth) classification is created by Brennan et al using two fundamental aspects regarding attachment patterns: attachment-related anxiety and attachment-related avoidance.
People high on avoidance prefer not to rely on others or open up to others. People low on avoidance are more comfortable being intimate with others and depending on others and having others depend on them.
People high on anxiety tend to worry whether their partner is available, responsive, attentive, etc. People low on anxiety are more secure about the perception of how stable their relationships are.
The figure below breaks down 4 different types of attachment behaviors.
But What's the Point?
Understanding how attachment styles can affect perception and behavior will give you better tools for assessing your own relationship health. Do you have a stable attachment style, or are you more anxious or avoidant? Has an insecure attachment style negatively impacted your relationships?
On the other side, by knowing these different attachment styles, you can help make a relationship work as well. Being with someone who is avoidant, for example, means that you can't take it personally when they don't text back or seem to want to spend time with you.
Resources and References
Here is an Attachment Style Quiz using Brennan's matrix!
R Chris Fraley from University of Illinois has written a wonderful overview on attachment theory.
Thank you! I have been concerned about this subject for a VERY long time! I think my husband has abandonment issues, but he will never go into detail about his childhood. He is very suffocating, self-conscious, gets jealous easily over the petty things (if he sees me observing an attractive man), and has a difficult time trusting. Myself, I am very avoidant. I have a hard time showing feelings/emotions, and I like to be independant, so it is a very difficult combination, but we have lasted almost 5 years together! lol I just wish I could understand why he has these problems. He is the youngest of 9 children, says he left home at 14, and his parents died when he was in his early 20's.
Hi @TransAm85!
You're more than welcome to message me (I'll respond in about 1-3 days!) about this! We also host discussions every Thursday evening at 10 pm EST in the Relationship Support chatroom if you can make it. Right now the discussion topic is attachment styles!
Thank you! I have been curious about this for a very long time, but it has just been like hitting a brick wall! My husband will not tell me everything, but I know there is more to the story, and I want to know why he acts certain ways, and I tried asking my mother for her opinion, but she has issues of her own .. I have just been trying to find the answer myself, but I need a little help! Thank you :)
@TransAm85
You can send me a message via my profile page!
I also post relationship based topics every Monday and Friday on my feed ^-^ (shameless plug lol)
Attachment styles aren't permanent! By understanding what style you have, you can work on changing it. Other characteristics such as assertiveness and clear communication also help make a strong relationship!
@AdVictoriam, it was a very interesting read for me, even if outside my expertise. I also took attachment style quiz, and I can say I feel a bit wiser about myself ^^ Thank you for sharing!
@AdVictoriam - Thanks for sharing this - very helpful! :)
thanks AD as normal really informative and will be massively helpful in future chats :)
