New to the Relationship Stress Community? Introduce yourself here!! ❤️

I guess what brings me here is losing the person closest to me in the entire world. This breakup has tore a hole right through me. I've had a broken heart before after losing someone I loved. But this felt different. Looking back I can see where there were times I perhaps took on more stress than necessary in the relationship. Heartbreak, loss, grief like this has been far too much to bare.

Perhaps on here there might be others who can relate to how stress from a partner can make a relationship difficult.

I feel like the walking dead, in a post-apocalyptic world, drained of any life and feeling every bit of the agony and anguish of losing that person, my life with them and the future I had allowed myself to begin to imagine. I guess I could use some support myself right now.

Hi. Ive never tried  any kind therapy. I've been married for 20 years to the one person I love more than anyone in the world. Things have always been up and down for us over all these years.  He has cheated a couple times but I love him so much and we have 2 amazing kids, one is autistic so I'm a stay at mom and wife. It's one thing I've noticed over all these years is my husband will do really well for a good while then he seems to drop in mood and everything. he ends up messaging other women and a couple of times has even went out on a date. Recently, and ice noticed it's been about 7 years since anything to this degree that I know of, he goes to a local bar sometimes and has a couple beers and shoots pool with his friends,  well recently he was seen by my friends sister coming into the bar holding hands with another woman who just happens to be a part time bar tender there. He was also rubbing her legs and had his hand on the inside of her thigh. I've expressed to him how much all this hurts and is a major breach of trust and I've been asking him to remove single women he keeps adding to his *** and he still hasnt. Since I have found out about all this and confronted him he has been more distant.  We have spent time together and had genuine calm conversations about all this and he says he has a problem that sometimes he starts feeling low and starts feeling bored with me and seeks new company. He doesnt feel like he can promise to be 100 percent faithful and he says hes worried he will end up hurting me again but he doesnt want us to split. We do love each other very much and love the family and home we have and I dont want us to split either. I have also come to realization about myself that not only has he emotionally and mentally abandoned me over the last several years but I've done the same. After our son was born 8 years ago and at 2 years old got diagnosed with autism my life has been pretty much about him and just the day to day things I have to do. I realize that I havent been there for my husband in all the ways I keep expecting him to be there for me and we just got so blind to the fact of it and so he went seeking it from someone else what he was lacking here at home with me. Mind you we never get any alone time together unless the kids are asleep as we have no one to help watch them here and there so we can still date each other. I honestly about myself feel lost. Sometimes I feel numb, I always worry and overthink everything. I went through abuse as a child and came from a broken home myself and I dont want that for myself or my children. This sucks trying to move past the loss of trust and betrayal but I've realized I have to start working on myself and healing myself if I want to be able to be there for my husband the way he needs me to be as he to needs to work on himself so I'm hoping that him seeing me actively doing these things that may encourage him and lead him to do the same.